Jaggedone's daily, dastardly Olympic updates!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Saturday, 31 July 2021

image for Jaggedone's daily, dastardly Olympic updates!
Well, at least they might get their money back!

Olympics 2020 played in 2021, Tokyo, somewhere in Japan.

Jaggedone sent his vile CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) masked reporters, Ching Chong Woo, and Bum Kum Poo, to Tokyo to find out if anybody gives a crap about this global spectacle without spectators sponsored by you know who, burp!

Their dastardly research has revealed the following, unmasked scandals surrounding the games and here they are:

1) High male divers are not always gay, they just join together, hold hands, and kiss before causing a minor splash!

2) Olympic tennis cracks don't give a fuck; they can earn more getting knocked out of Wimbledon in the first round than winning a fake gold medal in Tokyo!

3) Olympic footy teams, men, and women are at least better than Accrington Stanley, who went broke years ago!

4) Usain Bolt with one leg is quicker than pretenders to his throne!

5) Male Ice skaters are not all gay, especially in summer, too hot wearing those tight pants! (Jaggedone you are a fucking moron, these Olympics are summer ones not winter ones, and ice skating has been 'put on ice' until they can find a suitable venue! Maybe in Antarctica before the ice melts, and there's no Covid19 there, only among walruses’!)

6) Sumo Wrestling is now an official Olympic Sport, but only in Tokyo, and if you are fat enough! However, skinny competitors from Ethiopia have been banned! Olympic organisers are being accused of racism!

7) Russian Olympiads are not being checked for using enhancement drugs, Russian Oligarchs' are baksheeshing the organisers with millions!

8) Beach volleyball ladies will be banned if they flash their bums, male beach volleyball players, no problems, but only if the referee is not gay!

9) Olympic cyclists knackered after the Tour de France will be given as many drugs as they need to complete the course, and if they drop dead afterwards, serve them right!

10) Spectators not wearing masks will be banned from entering the Olympic complex, but luxury shops in Tokyo do not give a shit as long as Olympic tourists shop till, they drop!

So, lovers of this non-event spectacle mesmerising nobody, here you have Jaggedone's sporting, non-doped truth certainly not sponsored by Coca Cola, McDonalds, Burger King, etc, they would not touch him with a 'Pole vault!'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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