BOMBAY, India – (Sports Satire) – The government of India, after years of debate, has voted to ban the age-old tradition of yak races.
President Ram Nath Kovind issued a proclamation after members of PETA complained that the races were cruel to the yaks, as they caused them tremendous foot, knee, and testicular pain.
It was also brought out that 91% of all male yaks became sterile due to the constant sweating from having to run so fast.
And still another negative aspect of racing yaks, was that, after running a dozen-or-so races, most saw their libido level go down from the high 90s to single digits.
PETA noted that almost all of the yaks developed horrible stress in their later years, which was directly related to the hundreds of races that a typical yak would run in its seven-year career.
Noted Indian jockey Maharini Hysubad said that he was disappointed, because he will now be out of a job. He added that he is happy-as-hell for the yaks, because it broke his heart to see the astoundingly high suicide rate among the elderly animals.
Meanwhile, famed racing yak rancher Tumki Kalalala says that he will now probably pack up and move to neighboring Bangladesh, where yak racing is still the number one sport.