BUFFALO NIPPLES, Wyoming – (Satire News) – The United States Department of Forestry has fired a veteran forest ranger, after he was caught on video acting like a 14-year-old immature punk.
Investigators viewed three different videos, in which former Yellowstone Park forest ranger Fritz K. Amsterdam, 49, was shown teaching some park squirrels how to say a nasty phrase.
Amsterdam had amazingly trained three docile park squirrels to go up to unsuspecting park visitors, flash them, and say, “Hey, bitch, look at my little nuts.”
The ranger, who has been terminated, said that he was sorry, and that he was just trying to put a smile on the faces of depressed park visitors.
He added that none of the squirrels were harmed in any way, shape, or form.
A representative for PETA said that was not the case. The PETA rep reported that she checked out the three squirrels, and two of them showed signs of second-degree traumatization.
She pointed out that the third squirrel was somewhat ornery, and it just did not give a damn one way or the other.
Meanwhile, the 13 individuals that were flashed by the three squirrels, have all agreed to accept $200 gift certificates to Olive Garden, in return for signing a non-lawsuit agreement.
