Covid-19 Prevents UCLA's Third Consecutive 0-3 Season Start

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Sunday, 15 November 2020

image for Covid-19 Prevents UCLA's Third Consecutive 0-3 Season Start
A basketball court earlier

Westwood Village, CA. An S.O.S. report from Spoof On Sports. Bruin coach Chip Kelly can thank the pandemic and the lack of masks, social distancing and common sense for not opening this season 0-3 for the third consecutive year. Instead, his UCLA team is likely to go 1-2 before ending the season at 1-4 or 2-3. In any event, the Bruins are doomed to another consecutive losing year in the Pac-12.

It was only because Utah couldn't field a team with enough scholarship players due to the virus, that this weekend's game with UCLA was cancelled. Frankly, if the rules had allowed the Utes to play with only 22 men, none of whom were on scholarships, the game would still have been a blowout win for Utah. But rules are rules, so the Bruins played California, traditionally the doormat for the northern division of the league, and routed them, as expected, to even the season record at 1-1.

Next week, however, the Bruins will be back on the defensive, as they play the dominant team in the Pac-12, Oregon. The Bruins will fall to 1-2, but coach Kelly will smile, because he escaped that potential 0-3 start which has marked UCLA's record every season since 2018. But 1-2 may not provide much comfort to either Kelly or the Bruins new athletic director.

UCLA's 1-2 season opening will have to carry an asterisk, and if next season opens, as expected, at 0-3, sports writers will find a way to refer to it as "for the fourth consecutive season."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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