Local athlete Jeff Miller announced today he can't wait for the restart of his men's ice hockey league so he can stay up-to-date with the latest news and pubic hair fashions.
"While chatting about stocks or listening to the latest raunchy joke, I always like to check out my friends' nether regions to get ideas for personal grooming," Miller said. He added: "Dieter, our 'Hirsute Hessian', he's a true metrosexual. Sometimes, he cuts letters and patterns into his pubes, even above his belly."
Miller, who also plays racquetball, continued: "I've been letting my bush grow out, just in case there's a new style. At home, I've tried using gel to sculpt a few swirls. It looks OK, but I'm nervous to show it off. I'll probably start a group chat and post a few pics, see what the guys think. I don't want to undress and be that guy who's showing off a mane when everyone else is shaved and waxed."
When asked, Miller promised to post his photos on the Spoof.