TURIM, Italy – (Sports Satire) – Italy’s La Pizzeria News Agency is reporting that Cristiano Ronaldo, who plays for Juventus, has just tested positive for the dreaded COVID-19 virus.
The 35-year-old Ronaldo, who is considered one of the greatest footballers in the entire world, said that he had a hacking cough, but he figured that it was just from an extremely spicy pepperoni pizza he’d eaten for lunch.
His partner, Georgina Rodriguez, said that she gave him some Daytime NyQuil, but the coughing persisted, and she noticed that his ears were shaking uncontrollably, which is one of the symptoms of C-19.
The Juventus forward, who wears number 7, told La Pizzeria that he decided to take three showers, but that did not help.
He then went outside his multi-million dollar mansion, Villa Vuvusela, and did about 40 somersaults.
He said that it only made him thirsty, so Georgina went inside and came back with a two-liter bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper.
Ronaldo said that he will be self-quarantining for 14 days, with Georgina, all of their kids, their two pet dogs, their pet flamingo, and their pet Hippopotamus, named Mafioso.