In Sunday’s game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Los Angeles Rams, Eagles’ quarterback, Carson Wentz, was booed off the field after throwing his second interception of the game. While this was surprising, even more surprising was the fact that there were no fans in the stadium, unless one counts the thousands of cardboard cutouts that had been propped up in the stands.
Being booed by cardboard cutouts would have been a real blow to Mr. Wentz’ pride, if he had in fact been in the stadium and thrown the errant passes himself. But after the game, photographic evidence emerged showing that Mr. Wentz was at least 100 miles away from the game, enjoying a beer in a local tavern.
ESPN went immediately into verbal overdrive, casting aspersions on the teams and the FOX broadcasting network for a massive hoax, comparing the game to the fake American moon landings, which, as everyone now knows, were filmed in a secret desert location right here on Earth. “Is nothing sacred?” Steven Smith, ESPN’s resident loudmouth shouted. “What the hell, man? Cardboard fans, and now cardboard players? Or was it Madden?”
Asked about the controversy by a Philadelphia sports reporter, Wentz, who was back in the bar preparing for his next game, said, “You guys got a game. I got paid. And no one got hurt out on the field, at least nothing that couldn't be taped up.”
“But it wasn’t real,” the reporter objected.
“Have you looked closely at that paper money you're using to buy my drinks? There’s a goddamn pyramid with an eye in the middle of it. Sure, gimme a stack of those and walk off with a Ferrari. Crazy real, right? Think about it. And give me some space now; I’m going over the game plan with Hal the computer. I’m gonna throw only one bad ball next game.”