INDIANAPOLIS – (Sports Satire) - The Indianapolis 500 Racing Commission has just advised the members of the press about the upcoming annual race.
After much deliberation, it was suggested that the race will, indeed, be held on August 23, but no fans will be allowed to sit in the stands.
Tailgate parties in the parking lot will be allowed, as long as fans keep the event drug-free. Cocaine use will not be tolerated like it was last year.
The race drivers will be required to keep a distance of 6 feet from all other cars.
Anyone violating this rule will be asked to head to the pit stop area, turn off his car, and hand over the keys.
Another rule that all drivers will have to comply with, is the age-old practice of the drivers being allowed to eat while racing.
No driver, not even the damn good ones, will be allowed to take hamburgers, pizza, or guacamole dip into the race car while in the process of racing.
This policy was put into effect after last year’s race, when racer Langston “Sparky” Tipnoolde threw an empty Dairy Queen Styrofoam container onto the track and caused a seven-car pileup.
