Fans of the Washington Redskins Have Been Asked To Submit Some Suggestions for the Team’s New Nickname

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 14 July 2020

image for Fans of the Washington Redskins Have Been Asked To Submit Some Suggestions for the Team’s New Nickname
Quarterback Dwayne Haskins is only 23, but he says he will lead the Washington Whatevers to the Super Bowl.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Now that Daniel Snyder, owner of the soon-not-to-be Redskins, has finally gotten with the program to change the racist team name, lots of people are chiming in with ideas.

One long-time fan suggested the name the Washington Washed Ups, in honor of all of Washington’s elderly politicians, such as Mitch “The Turtle” McConnell, 78, Chuck “The Caveman” Grassley, 86, and Dianne “The Dinosaur” Feinstein, 86.

A member of the Red Lives Matter movement, said that she thinks the name Rednecks would go well with the bigoted fan base that wanted to keep the name Redskins.

Sports Balls Illustrated asked its readers to send in their suggestions. They say that if a fan gets his or her suggestion picked, then he or she will receive season tickets to all of the home games, a $300 gift certificate to Red Lobster, a year’s supply of Big Red Soda, and a slightly used AR-15 Semi-Automatic Rifle.

HERE ARE THE TOP TEN SUGGESTED NAMES

• Washington Red Dragons
• Washington Wart Hogs
• Washington Fighting Flamingos
• Washington Swamp Creatures
• Washington Red Racoons
• Washington Wild Walruses
• Washington Red Rockets
• Washington Wildebeests
• Washington Tarantulas
• Washington Barbarians

Sports Balls Illustrated stated that Daniel Snyder, his wife, Tanya, and Ivanka Trump will be determining the winning name.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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