NEW YORK CITY – Finally, fans will get to cheer for their favorite baseball teams, as the MLB has announced that the 2020 COVID-19 Baseball Season will begin on July 23, 2020.
MLB spokesperson, Guyler P. Monticello, offered up some of the details on some of the new rules.
He said that a group of 127 sports writers sat down at Nolan Ryan’s Texas-style mansion located just outside of Houston.
They all met with Bobby Manfred, the MLB commissioner, and together they devised the new baseball rules, which they are referring to as The 2020 C-19 Official MLB Baseball Rules.
Afterwards, Dottie Bazooka, with Sports Balls Illustrated Magazine sat down with Monticello at a Mexican Restaurant in downtown Houston.
As they sat eating guacamole-stuffed enchiladas at Macho Paco’s Taco Casa, they both expressed the utter joy at having the horsehide season begin.
Dottie asked what some of the new rules would be. Monti told her that, for one thing, the new rules call for all pitchers, even relief pitchers, to bring their own balls to the game.
He then said that brawls will be positively prohibited, and if a player should instigate a fight, security will immediately wrestle him to the ground, handcuff him, and take him to the nearest police station.
Another rule, which has really been a long time coming, will strictly prohibit all players from openly grabbing their crotches, as if they’re sitting in the privacy of their living rooms.
Many fans and sports writers alike agree that the practice of crotch-grabbing has resulted in millions of evangelical women simply choosing not to go to the games, or even to stop watching them on television all together.
Fans will not be allowed inside the stadiums, but will be able to watch the game on a one-story tall gigantic TV screen located in the parking lot next to the six ambulances.