MAR-A-LAGO, Florida – The Miami Globe-Gazette has just reported that President Trump’s attorney, Segundo Juarez, has filed a lawsuit in behalf of his client.
The lawsuit seeks damages in the amount of $16.2 million. Juarez told an assembled group of reporters that the president was extremely angry, bitter, and embarrassed, because he asked to drive the Daytona 500 pace car and was denied his request.
A spokesperson for the Daytona 500 organization, Raleigh Gillooly, Jr. stated that the reason Trump was not allowed to drive the pace car was because he has no collision insurance, nor does he even have a valid driver’s license.
Gillooly also pointed out that, in the past 3 years, Trump has received a total of 24 traffic citations, including leaving the scene of a hit-and-run accident involving a New York City hook-and-ladder fire truck.
Trump’s attorney was also informed that the Daytona 500 organization did not have a racing helmet on the premises big enough to fit the humongously ‘bigley’ swollen head of the man that Nancy “Cupcakes” Pelosi calls “Old Plump Trump.”
(IN CLOSING – Attorney Segundo Juarez wants to dispel the rumor that the president was selling his autograph at the racetrack for $400.)