Cristiano Ronaldo Puts In Transfer Request

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 3 February 2020

image for Cristiano Ronaldo Puts In Transfer Request
A man fondling himself in the Old Trafford showers

The transfer deadline may have been reached last Friday, and the window slammed shut, but one man who has got a request in early for the next round of moves is the Juventus player, Cristiano Ronaldo.

Ronaldo, 34, has scored a phenomenal amount of goals in his last few matches, but wants a move away from the Italian leaders because, he said, someone keeps touching him up in the showers.

"It's not on," said the Portugal international. "They wait until I've soaped up, and can't see anything, then quickly surround me, fondling my private parts. I've had enough! I'm fed up of the amorousness. I want to move on."

Of course, Italians are an amorous race. Who can forget the Real Forte boss, Christian Amoroso? Or Márcio Amoroso, except that he was Brazilian.

It's not clear where Ronaldo wants to play next, but rumours of his love for Liverpool abound.

But Reds boss, Jürgen Klopp said:

"If he doesn't like being fondled in the shower, he should stay away from Anfield. Here, they don't just fondle each other, they go the whole nine yards, if you know what I mean."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more