Manchester United Sign Several Players Late On Transfer Deadline Day

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 1 February 2020

image for Manchester United Sign Several Players Late On Transfer Deadline Day
Even Harry Maguire looked frustrated with the signings

Manchester United flexed their not inconsiderable financial muscles last night, just minutes before the deadline on the transfer market window, securing the signatures of a host of footballing superstars, none of whom I have ever heard of.

The first of these was Bruno Fernandes. He previously played for Sporting Lisbon, in Portugal, which is nice.

Another turned out to be Mr. Odion Ighalo, a Nigerian. Mr. Ighalo used to play for Watford, but now plays for Shanghai Shenhua in China, which should tell you all you need to know about his potential of setting the Premier League alight.

He has been signed on loan until the end of the season.

If he clears Coronavirus screeing, that is.

United have also signed Southend United goalkeeper, Nathan Bishop, for an undisclosed fee so small, it's not worth mentioning.

Manager, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, beamed as he was interviewed about his new signings. He said:

"I believe that, with these additions - one of whose names I can remember - we have got more players, and this will, inevitably increase the wage bill, although it's unlikely they will provide what's been missing from our team this season."

Outside Old Trafford, fans groaned.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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