Arsenal Mikel Arteta Statement Expected Today

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 20 December 2019

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Will Arsenal ever employ an English manager again?

After what has seemed like an eternity in football terms, Arsenal have said they will make a statement regarding Manchester City assistant coach, Mikel Arteta, later today, though it's not known what the statement will say.

Earlier this week, City coach, Pep Guardiola, had hinted strongly that, despite not wanting to lose Arteta from his staff, he believed the Spaniard's big chance had finally come, and that he would not stand in hisway if he wanted to take up the Arsenal manager's job.

Since then, there has been a stony wall of silence.

Various reasons for this have been suggested.

One was that the telephone exchange in Greater London had been down, but this could not be confirmed.

Nor was it true.

Another ridiculous suggestion was that, of the two secretaries responsible for sending inter-club emails in the Arsenal front office, Sharon thought that Mary had sent one, and Mary thought that Sharon had sent one. Neither had. Doh!

There was still a further suggestion that Arsenal might try to employ Arteta without telling City, and so avoiding taking him onto their payroll, but this, also, has no evidence to support it, and has been dismissed as 'nonsense'.

Arteta, if Arsenal ever get around to pulling their finger out, will take over from caretaker manager, Freddie Ljungberg, who has done his best, in his five matches in charge, to remove his name from any list of potential managers ANY club might have been compiling, or ever will.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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