Anthony Burke, the Manchester City supporter who is accused of gesticulating to a Manchester United player, and making monkey chants, but who denied this, and said he was just pulling his trousers up, has been banned from pulling his trousers up.
Burke, 41, was photographed and videoed performing in a 'monkey-like manner' during Sunday's derby match at Maine Road, which United won 2-1, but claims he is not racist.
Under questioning from police, he made the alarming claim that he was merely adjusting his trousers which were slipping down over his fat, lardy arse, as City prepared to defend a corner.
Officials at City have reacted quickly to the incident, with one commenting:
"It's disgusting that, in this day and age, we have this kind of thing at football, or in society, in general. We've notified the police and the stewards of our decision, and, if they spot anyone pulling their trousers up in this manner, they are to take the miscreant outside, put him, or her, in an unmarked white van, and be imaginative with the punishment."
The official also offered advice to the ex-Army liar, and aptly-named Burke, telling him to either wear trousers that are tight at the waist, to wear braces and a belt with his trousers, or else to fuck off altogether, and do something else on matchdays.
Like cutting his grass, cleaning his car, fiddling with his bollox, or deinfesting his tacky beard.