Manchester United: Fans Starting To Get Fed Up Of Harry Maguire

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 8 March 2020

image for Manchester United: Fans Starting To Get Fed Up Of Harry Maguire
A sausage machine, rotated 90° to the right, because the image wouldn't have fit, otherwise

Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender who joined the Reds in an £80million deal last July, is one of the most popular footballers in the world at the moment, but that hasn't stopped some 'journalists' chuntering about the amount of press coverage the 26-year-old is getting.

Many people have reacted favourably to the absolute deluge of online nonsense being written about Maguire, but others have questioned the validity and relevance of such an unimportant figure as the former Sheffield United, Hull City and Leicester City centre-half.

Those across The Pond seem to have been affected the most. One, who did not want to be identified, frequently writes about fictional TV characters that most readers would struggle to remember, not having been born when those characters were popular.

He commented:

"If we collectively can’t write stories that are more interesting than the Harry Maguire stories that have taken over, we should take up another hobby."

Another, a troll said:

"To be perfectly honest, I don't know what possible satisfaction the poor fella gets from constantly churning out pieces based around Harry Maguire. It would bore me to tears!"

The stories were terrible, she said, and could be written by almost anybody:

"I could probably sit at my laptop and bang out 30 or so of these Harry Maguire jobs an hour, if I was of a mind to."

And the question of 'achievement'?

"Quite what the poor sod gets out of churning them out like a man feverishly cranking the handle of a sausage machine, is utterly beyond me," she seethed.

It's thought that this particular analogy was used in response to an earlier story about Maguire's first full-time job, when he worked in a sausage factory, feverishly cranking, cranking, cranking the handle of a sausage machine, for all he was worth.

The bumbling, mumbling and grumbling is set to rumble stumblingly on, as more and more stories about Maguire are conceived and published.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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