Tottenham's Eric Dier Does An 'Eric Cantona'

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 5 March 2020

image for Tottenham's Eric Dier Does An 'Eric Cantona'
A leather football with 'Spurs' written on it

There was controversy at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium last night, when Spurs' England midfielder, Eric Dier, jumped into the crowd to confront some lippy bigmouth that had been directing insults at him and his younger brother in the stands, reminding everyone of the incident involving his namesake, Eric Cantona, at Selhurst Park in 1995.

Spurs had just been knocked out of the FA Cup by Norwich City after a penalty shoot-out, and the players were making their way off the pitch, when Dier became aware of the lairy fuckwit shouting his mouth off from the corporate seating behind the dugouts.

A fan who was stood behind the gobshite takes up the story:

"This bellend in front of me was effing and blinding, and calling Dier all kinds of racist names, so Eric jumps over the hoardings, gnashing his teeth, and grabs the knobhead by his collar and starts headbutting him for all he was worth, which, in my opinion, is a lot. It was great!"

Eric Cantona came to the end of his short fuse when he used a Kung Fu kick and a roundhouse punch against Crystal Palace 'fan', Matthew Simmons, after the latter hurled a torrent of abuse at the Manchester United star. The Frenchman later admitted:

"It felt great. I only wish I hadn't stopped punching him."

Spurs manager, Jose Mourinho, defended his player, saying:

"Is normal. The player gives 100%. Some fans are tossers. Fuck them."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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