Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 15 April 2019

image for Premier League Title Race Is So Exciting, That Fans Are Literally 'Touching Cloth'
Some disgruntled wives discussing their husbands' nerves

The Premier League title race, between Liverpool and Manchester City, has become such an exciting and edge-of-the-seat-type affair, that supporters of both teams are at fever pitch, and quite literally, "touching cloth".

Liverpool are two points ahead of their rivals having played a game more, but any advantage City might think they have with regard to the extra game, must be balanced against a tricky run-in, including fixtures against both Tottenham and Manchester United. Liverpool have, arguably, an easier ride.

The fans at both clubs are in a frenzy of expectation, knowing that any points dropped now would be disastrous. It's this knife-edge situation which has left dozens of followers of both teams in trouble with their wives.

Come Monday morning - laundry day - wives of those nervous fans have been finding more than they'd bargained for in their husbands' underwear. The cliff-hanging nature of their respective teams' results have left many with a dirty brown streak along the undercarriage of their underpants.

Betty, whose husband Roy has followed Liverpool for thirty years, said:

"It's like Bob Paisley said, or was it Joe Fagan, or Roy Evans? Or was it Kenny Dalglish? It's more important than life or death, so there's bound to be a few little accidents!"

Jean's husband, Dave, is a City fan. She was more philosophical when she said:

"He's a filthy bastard! I ought to rub 'is fucking nose in it!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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