Written by Paxton Quigley

Tuesday, 22 January 2019

image for Football Gossip: Derby Female Fans Excited as Cole Signs, Defoe's Cowdenbeath Experience, Beth Mead "Insulted" by Emir of Qatar, Hernandez Love for Argos
10 of these for Beth Mead? No deal.

Arsenal forward Beth Mead has withdrawn from England's squad for their training camp in Qatar. The Lionesses will use the camp to prepare for the SheBelieves Cup tournament in the United States, which starts on 27 February, and this summer's Women's World Cup in France. Coach Phil Neville explained "Beth feels insulted that the Emir of Qatar has offered 28 camels to buy Jordan Nobbs for his hareem, while only offering 10 camels for her as a younger model."

Derby County has signed former England left-back and love rat Cashley Cole on a deal until the end of the season. The 38-year-old, who won 107 international caps, is reunited with former Chelsea and international team-mate Frank Lampard, now Derby manager. Diane Forrit, editor of females only fanzine Ramz on Top, told The Spoof "we are so excited at the reunion between Frank and Cashley. All the girls want to be in Frank's home movies and now with Cashley there's always a chance of a spit roast."

Onel Hernandez has declared love for Argos which has met with a warm response from the public. The Norwich City player, 25, said he had "never seen" anything like the British catalogue outlet in an interview in Norwich's official programme. Hernandez said: "Argos has everything and I've never seen anything like this in my life before. When I need something, I buy it from Argos! You can order bikes, TVs - we don't have this in Germany." The Cuba-born winger, who is a German national, also said he lived in a "perfect area" of Norwich, with "H&M, Costa and Boots nearby". Alan Partridge was unavailable for comment.

"It will certainly be very different for him" says Rangers assistant manager Gary McAllister referring to Jermain Defoe's potential debut at Cowdenbeath's Central Park on Friday 18th January. "First, he'll help have to help pick up all the dog shit on the pitch."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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