Written by Paxton Quigley

Friday, 14 December 2018

image for Football Gossip: Brendan Rodgers "I was halfway home", Larne FC "Champions League", Mourinho Team Building
Celtic "back from the dead"

Constantly bitching Manchester United coach Jose Mourinho says his team is "far" from being built in his own image as he prepares to face Liverpool at Anfield on Sunday. The United supremo told The Spoof "My team does not sulk, they are not negative, they do not moan and complain. They have a long way to go."

Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers celebrated coming back from the dead to reach the Europa League knock-out stages - then admitted he thought it was all over when he saw his own supporters sneaking out and had decided to join them. "I was already in my car and halfway home when we scored in the 95th minute."

Since Purplebricks co-founder Kenny Bruce's takeover of his boyhood hometown team Larne FC in September 2017, the club is no longer at the bottom of the Irish League's second tier. After Bruce's £2m investment Larne is now four points clear at the top of the Championship, fighting for promotion to the top flight and Bruce says he wants to bring 'Champions League music' to Larne. Unfortunately, Purplebricks has just posted a loss of £27.3m in its first half year's trading to 31st October. Hmm! He can still afford the CD though.

Who is the new Southampton manager, Ralph Hasenhuttl? Answers please on a postcard.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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