Football Gossip: West Ham Women, Abramovich Cash, Clarke's Kilmarnock Faux Pas, Mourinho vs. Pogba

Funny story written by Paxton Quigley

Monday, 10 December 2018

image for Football Gossip: West Ham Women, Abramovich Cash, Clarke's Kilmarnock Faux Pas, Mourinho vs. Pogba
West Ham Women enjoy thrashing Yeovil Ladies

BBC Sport has apologised after its report of West Ham Women's third straight win in the Women's Super League was headlined "West Ham Women Thrash Bottoms of Yeovil Ladies 5-0" saying it should have read "West Ham Women Thrash Bottom Side Yeovil Ladies 5-0". A Yeovil Town Ladies spokesperson said the club accepts the apology but cannot vouch for what went on in the showers after the match.

Kilmarnock manager Steve Clarke says people who were saying Kilmarnock could win the Scottish title were "talking out of their backsides". When The Spoof told Clarke that club owner Billy Bowie had been among those who thought Kilmarnock could stay in top spot, he said: "Oh shit! Billy's the owner, so I suppose I'll have to apologise now. It's a good job I said backside and not arse. Oh bugger! I just did."

Former player Ryan Mason says Tottenham should be considered contenders to win the Premier League this season. Arsenal legend Ian Wright says "Now that really is someone talking out of his arse".

French World Cup-winning midfielder Paul Pogba, who cost Manchester United £89m in 2016, has started on the bench for two successive matches but ray of sunshine coach Jose Mourinho has said he will start in Spain for the Champions League match against Valencia. "He has the potential to be a fantastic player despite my efforts" said moaning Maureen.

Chelsea coach Maurizio Sarri arrived at Stamford Bridge this summer with an unusual career history. He is an ex-banker who worked for years in amateur football alongside his day job as a foreign currency trader. Sarri explained to The Spoof "I've known Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich since the days when he used to come into my branch with suitcases full of cash to pay into an account for somebody named Putin."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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