Before their Champions League match against Young Boys, so-called Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, warned his players "if you can't cope with playing at Old Trafford, then go home and watch the match on TV, just like me".
BBC Sport has reported that Motherwell goalkeeper Trevor Carson is unlikely to play again this season as he is recovering from deep vain thrombosis (sic). Team mates responded "he's always been a cocky bawbag."
After being appointed manager of League Two side Macclesfield Town, former Arsenal, Tottenham and England defender Sol Campbell has said "it's good to be back in football". Campbell had been contemplating standing for election as a Tory MP, but has admitted that even his skills couldn't cope with defending the present Tory disarray.
Following his failed attempt to buy Aston Villa, (Kan)Ye West has turned his attention to making an offer for another midlands club, West Bromwich Albion. If successful, the delusional rapper wants to change the club's name to (Kan)Ye West Brom. Superfan Frank Skinner responded "Oi shud fookin cocoa!"
Motherwell directors intend to continue operating the club in a financially prudent manner after making a record profit of £1.72 in the last financial year.
Rangers manager Steven Gerrard, says his temperamental striker, Alfredo Morelos, has the same “X factor” as his his former Liverpool team-mate, Luis Suarez, "but with better teeth".