Bautista bugged by namesake

Funny story written by Gee Pee

Friday, 23 November 2018

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Bautista's namesake: as "repulsive as he is," says Anders

It seems safe (at first) to assume that entomologist Boob Anders is not a Jose Bautista fan. The scientist, who works for the Canadian Museum Au Naturel, gave the former Toronto Blue Jays star a dubious honor, the “distinction” of naming a bug after him. A beetle, to be exact: Sicoderus bautistai.

Bautista (the former Blue Jays star, not the beetle) isn't sure what to make of the bizarre “honor.” “I'd say it's a foul ball, at best,” he whined.

Anders disagreed. “I hit a home run with that name.”

The bug doctor said Bautista (the former Blue Jays star, not the beetle) “inspired” him. “He's about as loathsome and disgusting as anything imaginable. He well deserves to have a beetle named after him.”

Critics claim that Anders's having named the beetle after the baseball player is “racist,” since Bautista (the former Blue Jays star, not the beetle) is originally from the Dominican Republic.

Anders denied the charge as “preposterous.” “Some of the vilest insects in the world come from the Dominican Republic,” he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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