Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 22 November 2018

image for Buffalo Bills Fans Put Their Poor Season Down To Various Factors
Bills players trying to get to the bottom of things

The Buffalo Bills, the team that came to dominate the AFC East during the 1990s, culminating in four straight Superbowl appearances - all of them defeats - have become a shadow of their former selves, and everyone has differing opinions on why that is.

The Bills lost their opener against the Panthers, and have received several trouncings amongst their nine losses so far, but also surprised the Titans, the Vikings, and the Jets by 41-10.

It's a mystery how the Bills could cave in to teams such as the Colts (5-37), the Ravens (3-47), and the Bears (9-41), when they had enough about them to overcome the Titans (13-12), and the Jets by a landslide.

One fan, Ernie Simpleswick, said:

"It's the yardage. We just didn't get enough. And conceded too much."

Another, Bill Bufferlow, who loves the Bills so much, he changed his name, told us:

"It's the other teams - if the opposition plays much better than us, we tend to lose. We only beat the teams who perform less well than we do. It makes me sick!"

Don Higgins offered:

"Pants are too tight. Really, the players can't breathe! They look like they've been poured into those pants!"

Jackson Doowicky said:

"I don't think the Bills like playing on Sundays. After all is said and done, it is the Sabbath!"

Timmy Thompson, aged 7, said:

"Playing on Mondays doesn't suit the Bills or their fans. I get a lot of homework on Mondays, and end up not doing it because I much prefer to watch the Bills."

And former Bills wide receiver, Andre Reed, explained:

"When I used to play, I'd be up in the air, about to catch one of Jim Kelly's long passes, when, suddenly, there would be a huge roar, and I'd drop the ball. The crowd are just too noisy. It can be very distracting for the players."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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