Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 17 November 2018

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image for Jeff Rohrer To Marry A Person With A Penis
"You're kidding!"

The former Dallas Cowboys linebacker, Jeff Rohrer, has spoken out after becoming the first NFL player, past or present, to get married to a human with a cock.

Rohrer, who played for the Cowboys alongside such tough guys as Tony Dorsett, Ed 'Too Tall' Jones, Jim Jeffcoat, Randy White, and Herschel Walker, told of how he feared for his life during the seasons 1982 through 1989, when being a homosexual wasn't the popular fashion accoutrement it is today.

"I literally shit my pants," said Rohrer, "which was a problem, because most weeks we wore white."

Rohrer said that the locker room was always "a difficult place to be", and that he used to wince each and every time he heard the word 'fumble', or the phrase 'quarterback sneak'.

"I got a boner more than once," he didn't say, but probably thought.

Rohrer's former teammates had never suspected he got the horn for men, so well was he able to conceal it - even in those tight pants! Nobody was prepared to make a comment, however, most of the players concerned having been struck dumb at the news. Rohrer:

"Most of the guys from the team have been supportive - to my face, anyway - and I'm hoping they'll all come to my wedding. Only one of them, so far, has issued a death threat, which is a good sign in Dallas."

Rohrer may now have opened the floodgates for other NFL players to 'come out of the cupboard', and declare that they, too, are homosexual, preferring men instead of women, but I wouldn't bet on it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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