Gay conversion therapy proves effective

Sunday, 28 October 2018

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Gays

Reverend Geoff Bent runs gay conversion therapy courses from his parish in Butte, Montana. Unlike his rivals, he claims a 100% success rate with his students. TheSpoof decided to investigate his methods, so I went undercover as a homosexualist to ask Reverend Bent for help.

Bent charges $100 per session, but he guarantees that, within five sessions, I will be cured. I was impressed, but then I remembered that I wasn't homosexual to begin with, so it was unlikely to work on me.

Bent's methodology is simple: he uses what he describes as "The Closet Method". Essentially, gay people are told to just lie about their sexuality, and pretend to be straight.

I struggled with the course at first, as I found myself unable to repress my non-existent gay urges. Nevertheless, by the end of the five sessions, I had managed to hide them, and was able to act like a normal straight journalist for TheSpoof.

As it turned out, all of the other students on the course were also undercover heterosexual journalists, and, unsurprisingly, we all passed with flying (non-rainbow) colours.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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