Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 18 November 2018

image for Tiger Woods And Phil Mickelson To Dine Together On Thanksgiving
Who will slice?

Tiger Woods and 'Big' Phil Mickelson are to put their golfing differences on hold, and will spend Thanksgiving together next Thursday, during a televised 'intimate dinner for two'.

The pair, who, on Friday, 23 November, will tee off in the eagerly-awaited $9million winner-takes-all 'The Match' showdown at Shadow Creek in Las Vegas, hate each other, but will put their hatred in check for 24 hours, whilst they wolf down some turkey for the viewers.

There are sure to be a shitload of 'golfing anecdotes', like the one where Tiger backed his car into a neighbors tree during his drug-induced rage. And, like 'good ol' boys', there are bound to be a few tales of 'women and beer', but mostly it'll be golf stories - "I shoulda taken a 7-iron", "the wind got up", "my putter let me down", and that kind of useless trash.

As is normal at Thanksgiving, Tiger and Phil will sit down to roast turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and cranberry sauce, followed by apple pie and cream, and will wear those 'nailed-on' smiles as if they liked each other, but the hatred will be simmering underneath, in preparation for the next day's war.

Who will slice the bird? We don't know yet, but, whoever it turns out to be, you can be sure that he will be doing all he can just to avoid skewering the other in the rib cage as he does so, such is the rivalry between the two.

You can catch 'The Meal' on Bogus TV at 5pm, Thursday, and 'The Match' on pay-per-view on B/R Live, Direc TV, AT&T U-verse, Verizon, Comcast, Conncast, Cashcast, and Penisbrain TV for $19.99.

Tee time - as opposed to tea time - is 3pm (Eastern Time).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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