Written by Paxton Quigley

Tuesday, 21 August 2018

image for Norwich City paints away team's dressing room pink
Bouquets of flowers are also available from room service

Norwich City luvvie director Stephen Fry was heard to say "Just wait until Sir Elton hears about this" when told that his club has painted the away team's dressing room deep pink in an attempt to gain an edge on opponents.

Pink is reputed to be a colour that is said to lower testosterone levels and have a calming effect on people and Norwich hopes to make "marginal gains" over supposedly soporific opponents.

"Pink has an effect, not because it is pink, but because it's linked to childhood experiences," said Dr Alexander Latinjak, a lecturer in sport psychology at the University of Suffolk, "But I'm not bothered by all this guff as I'm an Ipswich Town supporter and we always get stuck into the Canaries whatever sneaky tricks they try".

Depending on the success of a trial period, Norwich City is considering expanding the idea to include Delia Smith special mugs of Horlicks, comfy beds with chintz duvets and curtains in addition to pre-match foot massages for opponents.

The club is also taking legal advice in possible law suits from opponents' WAGS missing out on Saturday night "pleasuring" due to temporary low testosterone levels.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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