Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 24 April 2018

image for Einstürzende Neubauten Booked To Perform Before FA Cup Final
Not Einstürzende Neubauten

German industrial band Einstürzende Neubauten, famous for their inventive use of scrap metal and building tools to make 'music', have been booked to perform at Wembley Stadium before this year's FA Cup final between Manchester United and Chelsea.

They will also lead fans in the singing of the National Anthem.

Einstürzende Neubauten were formed back in 1980, and quickly acquired a reputation for 'loud and ungainly music' which has been described as "unremittingly harsh", and characterised by 'scraping metal percussion' accompanied by shouted or screamed vocals by 'singer' Blixa Bargeld.

In 1984, they played at the ICA in London, but the show had to be abandoned after 20 minutes when the band started to excavate the venue's stage with drills and jackhammers. Another concert, this time in at the Palladium in Manhattan, had to be aborted when a fire was lit onstage.

The Football Association has said that it has "carefully considered" its choice of pre-match entertainment, and is satisfied that Einstürzende Neubauten will provide fans with an interesting alternative to the usual, everyday shite they are forced to sit through. Throbbing Gristle were unavailable.

The FA Cup final is on May 19, kick-off 5:30pm, with the band kicking-off at around 3:30pm.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
67 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more