Written by Backandtotheleft

Friday, 8 September 2017

Back and to the Left news follows sport purely for the hyperbole. Especially the shrieking nonsense that follows every single decision at Arsenal football club, our favourite punch line.

So in the spirit of all things fair we'll write a article about Liverpool but done in the style of talking about Arsenal.


Want away contract renegade Philippe Coutinho has been sensationally ditched from Liverpool's match day squad for their season defining game against Manchester City. A game that if they don't win could spell the end for the club in the top flight of English football.

Despite being fit enough to play for Brazil during the week Jurgen Flopp (loser of eight separate cup finals) has decided to punish his ambition and leave him at home.

Brave Coutinho had asked to leave the struggling club (currently languishing in second place in the Premier league) and join Barcelona so he could win trophies. A reasonable and coherent point as so far he has won NOTHING at the underachieving North West giants.

Despite putting on a professional manner on his return to training it was very clear to see the pain in his eyes. The short sightedness of his club has probably ruined not only his career but any chance he had of leading a normal life. By denying him the move he requested ney deserved they have thrown his and thousands of other lives to the wolves. The blatant lack of respect shown by this club proves why they should be immediately liquidated and their stadium ground down into dust.

Everyone in football and the wider world feels for Philippe. He's done nothing wrong then wishing to escape the swamp....but the swamp has vines and tendrils that won't let go. Yes stupid short sighted Liverpool fans may point to the fact he has a contract with the club but what does that really mean? What does that mean when a Barcelona, a Real Madrid or a Bayern Munich come calling? It means you drop your trousers and take that fat transfer fee right up where the sun don't shine.

It's been a dark few weeks for English football and we hope that a minutes silence for Philippe is held at every ground around the country.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
88 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more