Sunday Bloody Sunderland

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Monday, 31 July 2017


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This is not what I voted Brexit for

Sunderland midfielder Darren Gibson has confirmed what the rest of the world already knows: that Sunderland are shite.

Darren, who himself is quite shite, was caught on camera slagging off everything he could about the team, the city, his neighbours and the river Wear.

"This city is full of fucking mutants. Have you seen the town centre on a Saturday night? All the lads looking like their on a one man mission to snort ket and finger their sister and the lasses don't even get me started on them. More arm hair than a Norseman and about four feet deep in makeup."

He went onto say:

"There's only five fucking teeth in the whole city. Inbred fucks."

Before coming out with another hilarious gem:

"Only in the fucking North East does anyone think wearing a full football kit to work is acceptable office attire"

When pushed on what he thought of his current team his snort of derision was the loudest thing we'd heard all day.

"You can't call that shower of rat finks a "team" I've seen more belief at a meeting of atheists. Only decent lad was Jermaine but he up and fucked off at the first possible opportunity. I mean who wouldn't? We've not exactly got a upgrade in charm and charisma in the mangers position and have you seen the signings? Granted it's not of the wank level of Donald Love, that Juana-whatsit cunt and Steven fucking Pienaar, fuck me that guy was so old he needed a oxygen tank to get off the bus. Where was I? Never mind. At least the club doesn't need to worry about the standard of football dropping now that were not in the Prem if they want to attract more fans they should offer discounted tickets to fans who have been in jail. Half this fucking cities got a tag on.

Darren, who was brought to Sunderland by the ever positive David Moyes, is said to be totally committed to the club. Despite his statements.

He finished with:

"I know it looks damming but I am 100% committed to playing for this shit pile of a club for probably another couple of years. Then if someone hasn't put a bid in for me I'll blow my own brains out."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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