Beard lovers worldwide were glued to the Atletico Madrid vs Bayern Munich Champions League semi-final this evening, where Diego Simeone went head-to-head (or chin-to-chin) with Pep Guardiola in the most anticipated beard-off since the creation of Amish UFC in 2009.
When asked how his team were able to keep a clean sheet against a formidable Bayern attacking force, Simeone simply attributed it to his newly pruned facial-hair; "Pep is the best in our game because people respect his beard. I realised that I could not compete until I had even more beautiful facial hair".
It has taken years of pruning, but finally Simeone has a beard that can compete on the world's biggest stage. Unconfirmed reports also suggest that the Atletico players are ordered to delicately stroke his chin carpet before leaving the dressing room prior to kick off.
The return leg is played on 3rd May, giving Pep just 6 days to revolutionise his face-fur and regain the power that beard-lovers worldwide have become accustomed to.