Irish Winter Olympic details confirmed

Funny story written by Steddyeddy

Sunday, 2 March 2014

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At a press conference held in the Ballysmackadoo Town Hall, the Minister for Sport, Paddy Fields, together with a celebrity panel line up of Bono, Chris de Burgh, Van Morrison and the late President De Valera announced the venues and sport competitions for the 2014 games.

The games will be held this year in a community hall and grounds outside Limerick, a city not too far from Dublin, but a bit further than Liverpool.

Receiving a popular welcome, Freestyle Well-Throwing, Women's Texting on Ice, Men's downhill snooker, Freestyle Masterchef Bobsleigh and Nordic Combined Knitting, the Walking on Hands marathon and Embroidery are all back in the competition this year, while the Overnight Hay-bailing Marathon, the 500m Shopping Trolley Dash, Uphill Water-skiing and Catching the Javelin on Ice have all been dropped.

Speaking to the hoards of press (the Limerick Weekly Free News) in attendance, the minister added that competitors form over five countries are expected to attend, and specially-erected, luxury portable cabins - which include camping beds and self-assembly wardrobes [which the competitors have to assemble themselves] have been provided, proving no expense has been spared. Catering is by Mrs O'Shaugnessey's farm produce shop and café.

The arena - or community hall as the locals sometimes refer to it - is a cleverly-constructed, multi-purpose structure, capable of seating well in excess of 300 people, or 375 if the spare garden furniture chairs are used.

It is expected that the games should generate in excess of €31 for the local economy.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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