A special St Patrick's Day edition of popular word quiz Countdown has been pulled off air after Channel RTE was inundated with calls from confused viewers asking what were these things called vowels that kept getting offered to contestants. "It wa…
During a morning press conference, President Michael D. Higgins stated that American tourists visiting Ireland keep mistaking him for a leprechaun. Higgins went on to state that, when Americans take tours of Áras an Uachtaráin, they often go up t…
In more a medical miracle than an instance of evangelical fervor, South Boston became the (double-)birthplace of the nation’s first ever born-again baby, Robbie Fitzpatrick. While doctors are still struggling to pin down the scientific details. t...
Dayton OH: Margaret Lypchits just hasn't been the same since her 58th birthday resolution to do a "life make-over". She explains; "I'd been divorced for 8 years. My maiden name is Lypchits which I legally changed it back to around a year ago. My husband left me for a younger thinner woman- just like you'd go do a trade in for a new car. I decided that before 60 I wanted to loose the 130lbs I've be...
(1) Claiming that you are "irish". Nobody wakes up in the morning thinking they are Irish. An 'Irish' beard has never been shaved by an 'Irish' razor. (2). Seeking recognition for doing something exceptional. Taboo is that. That is why the Irish are hopeless at anything competitive. "Who da fuck duz he tink he is?" is an effective deterrent against the very thought of trying to win at ANYTHING.
Paddy O'Shea Remembers Being Born. Paddy O'Shea of no fixed address London decided to seek help for his alcohol addiction. He was referred to the Tony Blair Asylum for the Insanely Deluded where he underwent hypnotherapy in the course of which he was regressed to infancy and beyond. Paddy, to psychiatrist Dr. Theo Leonard's amazement was able to recount in vivid detail his life in the womb and...
Shergar, County Louse - A semi-skilled cabinet maker in Ireland has come out in pubic as the first openly Irish government minister in the hystery of the traditionally conservative Catholic country. The annoucement this weekend by carpentry minist...
The Irish and British have been at each other's throats for centuries, in a way that makes the rap grudge between Kanye West and LL Cool J look like as pointless and infantile as a mere peevish World of Warcraft endless circle-jerk of meaningless con...
At a press conference held in the Ballysmackadoo Town Hall, the Minister for Sport, Paddy Fields, together with a celebrity panel line up of Bono, Chris de Burgh, Van Morrison and the late President De Valera announced the venues and sport competitio...
Cardinal Baloney of New York has invited Arizona lawmakers who passed a gay bashing bill to march in the upcoming St. Patrick's Day parade. The march along the city's Fifth Avenue is the largest parade in the Western world. The invited lawmakers...
WILLITS, CALIFORNIA - Park ranger, Gustav Gustafson, Redwood National and State Parks (RNSP) spokesman, was sporting a bandage around his head at a press conference early this morning. "Thankfully, the Redwoods are currently enveloped in a quiet f...
A group of 1000 leprechauns will boycott the Six Nations Ireland/England rugby match on Saturday. The leprechauns who have to be painted green to remain visible, are said to be sick and tired of "fairy taleist" abuse from crowds at home and away spor...
Here are some names revered in our history: 1. Paddy O'Connell, First man to drink green beer before New York City's St. Patrick's Day parade in 1921. 2. President John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, Ted Kennedy and George Kennedy who absolutely "made" "Cool Hand Luke". 3. Mrs. O'Leary, Destroyer of Chicago. 4. That funny drunk guy, what's his name? At U. of Wisconsin, Madison. 5. Famo...
BLARNEY, IRELAND - Irish officials have decided to close the popular tourist attraction, The Blarney Castle, amidst a world-wide outpouring of ridiculous verbiage from prominent politicians. "Most of the blather is emanating from the White House, spe...
Tipperary, Eire - Workmen dismantling burnt remains of the Rainbow's End pub in Carrick-on-Suir, South Tipperary have stumbled on a stash of gold coins stuffed down the back of a Leprechaun's sofa deep beneath the building's medieval foundations.
Many members of Ireland's little people community are scared tonight. There has been a dramatic and sudden rise of kidnapping amongst the little people community in Ireland during these economic hard times. Moody's Investors Service on Tuesday dow...
The Irish gift for blarney, blather and waffle could soon begin cutting the UK consumer energy bill by £10 Billion over the next eight years. "The average Irishman generates more hot air in a single day than any other nationality" says Dr Hugh Q...
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