US Loses to Canada, Americans Grieve Briefly, But Then Remember They Hate Hockey

Funny story written by dustylewis

Friday, 21 February 2014

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The United States lost another heartbreaking game today to Canada in the Olympics by a score of 1-0. Less than 24 hours removed from the US Women losing a gut wrenching game to the Canadian, the men followed suit in Sochi.

The 2012 Olympics brought us one of the most exciting hockey games in Olympic history with Canada beating the United States in overtime to claim the Gold Medal. Today was the much anticipated rematch of that game, and what some felt would be revenge for the United States. But the U.S. once again fell just short in a sparkling defensive match between the two hockey powers.

Canadians around the world are clearly elated. It has been a nonstop party and people have skipped work, school and other commitments, all to celebrate their nation's hockey success at the 2014 Olympic Games. The same cannot be said for the United States however. Citizens who were attending the game were clearly let down by their team's valiant effort.

Over in the Continental US, it was a bit harder to find fans though. A local pub in Boston was filled with patrons who had just watched the game. Many were seen, filled with distraught once the game ended. We approached some fans and asked for their feelings. Here is what one had to say. "It was a tough fight for our country out there on the ice. I thought we were gonna do it. I'm not disappointed in our men, I'm proud of them. But it's over now, and I have a life, so go away."

Other patrons had the same sentiment. "Look man, it's cool in the moment, but let's be real…it's just hockey. And who in America really cares about hockey, besides those damn Canadians who only jump the border to get famous?" Another had this to say. "Are y'all talkin about the hockey game? Oh wait, my legs still work". He quickly got up and walked away without another word.

It seems that America doesn't really care about this game and that they never really did. So congratulations to Canada, from America. We are glad you are happy about winning the game. Now you can pretend that your country is worth a damn. Have fun drowning in 6 more months of winter, at least the happiness of this victory will keep you warm. It's almost spring break down here, so go screw yourself. AMERICA RULES

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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