The NFL Announces That It Will Be Discontinuing The Onside Kick

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

image for The NFL Announces That It Will Be Discontinuing The Onside Kick
The onside kick is the least diagramed play in the entire NFL.

NEW YORK CITY - The National Football League has just made an announcement regarding the football play commonly referred to as the onside kick.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell speaking in his office to a group of sports reporters informed them that after much debate, he has decided that effective 12:02 a.m. Sunday, November 6, the onside kick will be discontinued.

He said that his office has received tens of thousands of complaints from irate fans, coaches, players, and even some cheerleaders stating that the onside kick in reality amounts to cheating as they say in the casinos of Las Vegas.

The commissioner said that the onside kick was first introduced when a kicker slipped in a mud puddle and the ball only went a distance of 12 yards.

The ball was touched by the receiving team, but it ended up in the possession of a member of the kicking team and thus the onside kick was born.

Commissioner Goodell said that in his opinion watching an onside kick is about as exciting as someone French kissing their grandmother unless of course their grandmother just happens to look like Sofia Vergara.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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