Alan Hansen announces retirement from Match of The Day

Funny story written by radiogagger

Sunday, 8 September 2013

image for Alan Hansen announces retirement from Match of The Day
Hansen hopes the Solar panel will double up as a Sky dish to save cash

Stony faced Scot Alan McHansen has officially called time on his glorious decade and a half pundit career on BBC highlights show Match Of The Day.

Hansen became known as a reliable defender for Liverpool and Scotland when both teams enjoyed their best spells in the 80s - Liverpool winning 1st Division titles and European Cups - while Scotland managed to avoid defeats to minnows like Luxembourg and Albania with Hansen at the heart of the defence (they did however still get hammered by Brazil).

After retiring from playing, he soon joined the 'MOTD' team - although his first month on the programme was beset with problems as the BBC were not prepared to pay more than £10 an hour to a translator to explain Hansens analysis.

The dour faced Jock famously said the Manchester United team of the mid 90s 'would win nothing with kids' only to be proved wrong as Beckham, Scholes, Giggs, Butt and the Neville brothers excelled in the Premier League as United went on to dominate for the next fifteen years.

Hansen will bow out at the end of the season, when he will spend more time with his family, finishing his collection of 1980s Panini stickers - in particular Liverpool team-mates Alan Kennedy and Avi Cohen, campaigning with the SNP for Scottish independence from England, and installing solar panels on his house to save on electricity costs. His former team-mate Kenny Dalglish considered the same idea, but ended up just wearing an extra jumper ever winter.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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