The recent heart-warming words of Lance Armstrong have inspired a wave of appeals from prisoners on Death Row in America to commute their sentences to a 'life-time ban from competitive cycling'.
US legal experts are said to be scratching their heads in the face of the compelling argument that most convicts "told the truth, eventually". Parole officials are said to be less keen that some offenders are looking forward to competing once more in their chosen field.
Armstrong has admitted that his mentor on the road to redemption has been Tony Blair, who has coached him on morality and hubris 'for some years'. Inspired by Nick Clegg's success, Armstrong is now planning on releasing a single titled "Harsh", in order to raise funds for new lycra and a puncture repair kit for his deflated ego.
Meanwhile members of the amateur cycling fraternity are taking a saguine view of Armstrong's misdemeanor. "Lance should be admired for being able to ride a bike so well on drugs", said an expert in this sort of thing. "Tried it once. Hit a dog and fell in the canal".
