Another Earth Out There!
Scientists have announced that there's another earth-like planet only 500 million light years away, just in case anyone gives a big rat's ass.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Relying On The Web Too Much?
Armchair CPA says that if today's computers are hacked and go down, today's accountants would be counting on their fingers and toes.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Winos Stage Protest Stagger
The United Winos of America protest the rising costs of Colonel Pitts Old Rotgut Wine from $4 to $6 a barrel!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Swine Flu Cases Spreading Fast
After informing former president George W. Bush on the latest expected Swine Flu outbreaks, agents hear "Bring It On!"
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Fords For Freedom On 4th!
Ford Motor Company: Try our new non-government controlled trucks with free gun rack and shotgun or roomy cars, each with a small Smith & Wesson pistol with extra firm grip.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
US Military Admits Mistakes
U.S. military finally admits that it sprayed way too much Agent Orange on Vietnam's Orange People's Village.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
One Tough Lady
Sarah Palin says that if she is elected President, she'll have child molesters dipped in egg batter before frying them in the chair.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Dalai Lama Not In Tennessee
Dollywood still turning away bus loads of Buddhist monks looking for the Dalai Lama.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Tired Of Being Ignored
White House Mother-In-Law angry about President Obama ignoring her, shits on the floor of the West Wing right before tour group arrives.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Minnesota Crazier Than California?
Man from Minnesota says he's tired of hearing about film star weirdo being California's Governor. "We elected a wrestler Governor & a comedian for the Senate, let's give credit where credit's due!"
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Afghan Tourism Back
Oasis amidst war, Afghan valley looks to tourism as Ripley's Believe It Or Not opens, Filming begins on another Flintstone movie.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
First Things First
Teen is swine flu's first victim in London as ministers warn 100 a day could die by end of summer "unless following these rules:, but first here's the latest on Michael Jackson."
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Is That Right? Wow!
Illinois family ashamed that exchange student from Japan knows more about America than they do.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Silicone Implants Fine
Major doctors study say that there is absolutely nothing harmful about silicone implants unless a woman puts the stuff in her boobs.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Older Workers Return
High cost of senior meds and food bring more and more of them back to the workforce as average age of McDonald's workers jumps from 19.8 to 65.4.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
I'll Miss Her Guesses.
Middle-aged man says longtime girlfriend now watching The Antique Road Show with someone else now.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Bernie Ecclestone - HITLER WAS RIGHT TO KILL JEWS - Mosley Concurs
After extolling the leadership qualities of Adolf Hitler in an interview with The Times, Formula 1 chief Bernie Ecclestone has resigned. His successor will be either Robert Mugabe or Kim Jong-il.
written by Ron Smith, 04 July 2009
Iranian foreign minister speaks out
Iranian foreign minister has spoken out on the war between the "White Man" and the "Native Americans", in a bid to improve relations between the East and the "Western" world.
written by Shabba Stoney, 04 July 2009
Gordon & Nessie
Gordon Brown in an attempt to improve public relations is expected to catch the Loch Ness Monster.
written by Shabba Stoney, 04 July 2009
Jacko in Dimension X
The Inter-Dimensional Institute Of Terrorism ( IDIOT ) have sightings of Jacko. Allegedly he has been enticing children in DimX, claiming to be the "King of Snap, Crackle and Pop".
written by Shabba Stoney, 04 July 2009
Snippet Posting Problem
Because of system failure with my PC you will not be able to view this Snippet. Sorry for an inconvenience this may cause you.
written by tlmedia, 04 July 2009
Iraqis Celebrate
Iraqis still celebrating United States pull-out by firing thousands of shoots into the air, at each other!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Williams Sisters to Clone New Stars
A leading stem cell researcher admitted today that the Williams sisters were cloned from tissue donated by Fred Perry and more clones are on their way.
written by Elfinmyst, 04 July 2009
Wimbledon to Launch Strawberry Enquiry
Tennis star, Andy Murray, is demanding action after accusing his rival Roddick of doping his strawberries.
written by Elfinmyst, 04 July 2009
Brown to star in new Doctor Who special!
Gordon Brown was named today as the new Doctor in a one off BBC1 Christmas special, Extermination UK.
written by Elfinmyst, 04 July 2009
Kim Jong Il Saddened by US Response
The North Korean Leader is saddened that the US chose to interpret his fireworks display for July 4th as a provocative military act.
written by JP Johnston, 04 July 2009
Ditto-Heads Be Coming "Pecker-Heads"
Pfizer signs the world's biggest prick, Rush Limbaugh, for over $10 million to do all their Viagra commercials in the future. Many new "Ditto-Heads" change their names to Up-And-Coming "Pecker-Heads".
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Another Laptop Explosion.
Exploding Dell laptop computer pretty much ends Lance Armstong's bid for another Tour De France victory, any kind of sex life.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Bush Criticises Obama Policy In Iraq
Former President faults current administration for not keeping enemy, friends confused over war in Iraq. "I kept them all on their toes", sates George Bush.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Offshore Drilling Approved By Cruisers
US House votes to lift ban on offshore drilling, brings cheers, large orders for Viagra from those on cruise ships.
Pirates back off.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
War Costs Increase
Iraq and Afghanistan war forcing US army equipment prices to triple. $1,200 commodes now cost nearly $3,500 each.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
US Students Don't Know Geography
Latest study says teens failing in geography and that only one in three students can tell their ass from a hole in the ground.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Mourners Battle For Remains
Mourners use snooker cues as weapons in mass brawl at funeral over dead man's property, made up mostly of some 100 pool tables.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
New Air-Breathing Tax Next
The licence fee could go, admits BBC boss: Cost of watching TV, neighbors from behind closed curtains, bird watching might be put on council tax bill.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Most Gay-Friendly?
Tory and Labour at loggerheads over who is the more gay- friendly party as both bend over, drop their pants.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Max Mosley: Hitler Got Things Done!
Hitler got things done and Max Mosley would do a 'super job' leading Britain, says Formula One chief Ecclestone. "Populations havent't had a proper cleaning out in years. We're constipated."
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Over 65 Bankrupcies Increase
The number of people over 65 filing for bankruptcy has tripled over the past 5 years, research based on Insolvency Service figures suggests. Most blame high utility, food prices, "not giving a shit".
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Taliban Resistance Low
British forces on a major operation in Afghanistan say they have encountered little resistance from the Taliban. Mostly just a few public floggings here and there.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Mantras Not Always Helpful
Bridget Jones is not alone in turning to self-help mantras to boost her spirits, but a study warns they may have the opposite effect, known as Mantra Flu.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
BT Granting Longer Vacations
Telecommunications giant BT is offering staff the chance of long holidays, some as long as three years, in return for a big pay cut.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
UN Defied For 100th Time This Year
North Korea missile tests, Iranian elimination of political opponents, Moscow poisoning enemies list, Hondura's overthrow of elected president, water balloons falling on ambassadors on NYC, defy UN.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Global Warming Shrinking Sheep, Brains
Baaad news? Global warming now shrinking sheep, causing impotence among aardvarks, Old Lady Furgerson down the street to never clean her house (according to her).
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Obamas In Moscow
Mrs. Obama bringing glamor to Moscow this weekend. I'm sorry, that should be, Mrs Obama bringing her Grandma to Moscow this weekend.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Cockroaches Get Fat Also
Even cockroaches get fat on junkie food. Scientists cite example of Rush Limbaugh.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Three New Dinosaurs
Three new dinosaur species found in Australia. Never reported before, because of them eating those who had seen them.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Powerful Sedative Found In Jackson's Home
Powerful sedative found in Michael Jackson's home consisted of five CD's of Al Gore's readings of George Bush speeches.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
Palin Resignation
Palin resignation to leave office a year early for year-long hunting trip for bears, democrats.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2009
My Worst Job...
Was at a fire hydrant factory. Everywhere I parked they gave me a ticket.
written by tlmedia, 04 July 2009
Wengers promises "massive signings"
Arsene Wenger has promised Arsenal fans he will be buying a new goalkeeper, two new centre backs and a new striker shortly, just as soon as he can get permission from the primary school in Lyon.
written by Ricardo Fromage, 04 July 2009
Jackos White Glove sold for $1M
'Thing' the faithful loyal servant hand from the Addams Family, today purchased Michael Jacksons Famous white glove for a reported $1M. A reporter asked how well it fitted - "like a glove" said Thing.
written by Not The Nine O'clock News, 04 July 2009
Hospital Emergency Rooms Swamped
An upsurge in hospital emergency room visits is not due to the H1N1 virus. Americans are getting sick over the high costs associated with the Democratic Congress's free health care plan for all.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 July 2009
