Obama Names Supreme Court Nominee, Or Else!
At seven PM this evening right after the news, a very fuzzy-looking President Barack Obama announced that he is naming his Mother-In-Law to be the next supreme court justice.
Saudi Genie Imprisoned Again
A Saudi Genie who has been harassing a family has been found guilty of 'not entering into the spirit of things' and has been sentenced to 50,000 years in a brass lamp.
written by IN SEINE, 12 July 2009
The 10 Commandments
Researchers claim that only one in 20 people actually know the 10 Commandments. The same researchers claim that not one person actually keeps all 10 Commandments - except for God himself.
written by IN SEINE, 12 July 2009
Limbaugh Back Monday
Talk Show host Rush Limbaugh will be back on the radio this week after taking all week off last week because of being so broken up over the death of Michael Jackson.
Boyle Bounces Out Of Room
Susan Boyle says she may actually leave her hotel room and later comes out doing flips. Apparently Simon Cowell sent in Amy Winehouse to visit his shy star and bring her some special gifts.
Dickhead In Ad Cancelled
Viagra is pulling their ad already filmed for the next Super Bowl after someone leaked the information. In the ad, it showed a lawyer taking a pill & growing larger & larger, "Go ask Alice"-Viagra.
Cher's Stepdad Doesn't Have Alzheimers
Singer Cher was given some good news Saturday when she was told that her step-father, George, does not have Alzheimers. "He's just a booze hound", stated his physician, in doctor talk.
Bashful Speaks Up
In an extremely out of character role at Disney Studios, Bashful, one of the seven dwarfs has requested that his name be changed to "Five Of Seven".
US, Russian Nuclear Breakthrough
Today it was learned that President and Russian President Medvedev have agreed to cut nuclear weapons in their countries from 100 times enough to wipe out the world's population, to only 50 times.
Lions Camp Opening
The Detroit Lions have started their training for September's opening game. There were several fans outside the stadium with signs that demanded that the players begin taking steroids.
Clinton Visiting Japan
Former president Bill Clinton is touring Japan. Yesterday he went to a sumo wrestling event and asked when the big haired girls came out.
Cuba Opens For Visitors
Travel guides warn those planning to go visit Cuba to set their watches back 45 years, big jet lag.
Cheney ordered CIA to snoop on George Tenet
Convinced that Condoleezza Rice's KGB cover had been blown Cheney ordered spooks to trail the Agency's director and frame him & the Clintons for the 9/11 atrocity.
written by queen mudder, 12 July 2009
Latest Things Getting Low
United States Department of The Latest Thing say they may be getting close to running out, but Michael Jackson may have given them more time to develop more stuff.
Scientists, Astronomers Disappointed
Scientists disillusioned after discovering a twin to planet earth to be only the earth in an alternate universe.
Is Woody Drinking Again?
Nutcase in Manhattan keeps calling New York Post, Times that he's got the very last cube of the iceberg that sank Titanic in his refrigerator.
Cabbies Make Demands
Indian, Pakistan, Jamaican cab drivers in Manhattan continue to demand a homeland of their own.
Ute Should've Been There
In Arizona and Utah, Native Americans are headed back to old family shacks nearby to live while building more teepees to families looking to cut back. Window Rock renamed "Wigwam Rock".
Hasselhoff Wheeling & Dealing
A very drunk David Hasselhoff brings in an old junky to get $4,000 off of the cost of a new car.
Bin Laden Signs Contract
Osama bin Laden has signed on to play himself in the new movie about the Bush family to be released just after the next terrorist attack.
Another Day In Paradise
Britney Spears admitted today that when she shaved her head, she traded her hair to Phil Spector in a record deal that failed for both of them miserably.
Latest 'gore' from Pampalona is Bulls 2 Idiots 0
Cheney Accused By FBI
Dick Cheney accused of siphoning off oil from Alaska pipeline ans sideline discovered leading into Wyoming.
Buttered Cats Baffle Cops
Police have failed to find the culprit who buttered all the cats in London and then threw them out the window. Police suspect it may have been an experiment gone wrong.
New Celebrity Show
New celebrity show on ABC, "I Don't Give A Rat's Ass" featuring celebrity telling America what they really don't give a rat's ass about. Tonight: David Hasselhoff's "Who's Feet Mashed My Grapes."
Jackson Family Outraged Over Lack Of News Coverage
Joe Jackson said he was furious over the sudden lack of news coverage regarding his son, Michael's death. "I watched ever network yesterday and nothing! Total disrespect & racism. We're gonna sue."
written by tlmedia, 12 July 2009
Why Specter Switched
Arlene Specter says that the main reason that he switched parties from Republican to Democrat was because of the Democrat's great Master/Slave "Switching Parties".
Dogs Trained To Sniff Diseases
Scientists working with dogs which have super-smelling abilities, say you can teach them to sniff out diseases, but thus far, only those involving your crotch.
New American TV Show
Tonight's the premier of "America's Got Humility." It's based on an English show called, "Britain's Got Teeth."
Judge Shows Madoff Liency
Bernie Madoff has asked a judge to reduce his sentence for fraud to 12 years. The judge agreed to compromise and took 12 years off his sentence, to now be 138 years instead of 150.
Plus There's This IQ Of 65 Thing
In China, a husband recently discovered that his wife was a man after he'd been married to her for three years. Says he thought she was just shy, had little different views on sex.
Elizabeth Hasselbeck of "The View" is denying claims that she plagiarized her recent book, "Gluten Free, Of Mice And Men".
US Ranked 114th
In a recent study, the United States was ranked the 114th happiest country in the world. Former presidential candidate, Ron Paul, says legalizing marijuana would put US in top ten.
Kohli Let Go
The One Show's Hardeep Singh Kohli has been dropped following a complaint of inappropriate behavour from a female colleague, a signing monkey and different type of rope trick, the BBC has confirmed.
Government To Pay For Added Energy
Households which contribute electricity to the National Grid are to receive payments under a new government scheme, but discouraged squirrels in cages.
Hust A Little Of That Arsonic Grin
A Japanese rail firm has introduced a system to check that staff are smiling enough at all times, by placing a little arsenic in their tea.
Obama: Afghan War Essential
The increasingly deadly conflict in Afghanistan is a "serious fight" but essential for the future stability of the country, the US president says. "Unlike Bush who only had us here over those towers."
Reasons Obese People Unhealthy
Scientists believe they may have uncovered a key reason why obese people have a raised risk of health complications: Many get chair legs up their ass when chairs break, etc.
China Toll Of Injured Rises
Injured toll from China riots raised from 1,680 to 1,300,000.
Admit earlier reports were underestimated.
Iranian Officials Released
Five Iranian officials released by US, return to Iran, a little wet and shaken but apparently OK.
Jackson Healthy Or Not?
Michael Jackson, healthy or not? Depends on who's talking. But he's certainly dead now. Wait a minute, according to this story of TheSpoof.....
CIA Told To Keep Secrets
Former Vice President Dick Cheney directed the CIA eight years ago not to inform Congress about a nascent counter terrorism program because they'd blab it to our enemies, just as they are doing now.
Florida Wrestling Pythons
Florida wrestles with its python snake problem. Now more popular than alligator wrestling.
Gaming Slows Mental Decline?
Can gaming slow mental decline in the elderly? Possibly, it certainly slows down their having enough food to eat, roof over their heads.
Taller People Earn More
A new study reveals that taller people earn more money especially taller people who play basketball.
Can Language Skills Delp?
Can language skills ward off Alzheimer's Disease? Doctor with disease himself says, "Elegant pacaderms with elongated proboscis monkeys obtuse isosceles triangles!"
State Needing Help
With their economy near collapse, seven difference states ask Jerry Lewis, Willie Nelson to head up a fundraiser for their state.
California Making Progress
Calif. leaders: We're making progress on $26B gap. "Only this morning a two-bit hooker threw in a bag of quarters."
Obama Urges Patience
Obama urges patience on economic stimulus plan. "Give it a little more time and it'll get even worse."
Holder Considering Probes
Holder considering torture probe of Bush Administration. "Of course, the water boarding got info that kept them from blowing up our cities, but still, this could really help our politicians."
Porn News Special
Latest news is that people read anything with porn, porno or sex in the title.
BA Staff In Live Lemon Protest
BA Staff are to protest at the company's headquarters with caged lemons.
They are using lemons to show that the company are really taking the pith.
We're Sorry...Two Hours From Now!
North Korea has prematurely apologizes for test missile which accidentally hit a South Korea's soldier barracks.
Ah, Nostalgia, Nostalgia
Daughter can sort of remember a time when it was her mom changing HER shit-filled diapers.
Could Have Been Serious
Neither of the Obama girls hurt seriously in accident while one pushed the other through the White House in Roosevelt's old wheel chair and running over set of George Washington's wooden teeth.
Sure, Shrinks Big Asses Too, Right?
After finally finding a 100 percent way of enlarging his penis, a brilliant scientist/physician still not believed, then arrested after trying to show proof of himself.