Movie Companies Agree To PETA Demand
Motion Picture companies agree to PETA demands. From now on it's "No animals were harmed in the making of this picture, except those that we ate."
Bigfoot Meets Bigass
Lady Sasquatch finally makes appearance and comes out of the woods, picks up hiker by collar and tells him,"Stop calling me that awful name! My feet are small, see Big-Ass?"
Granpa Loves Wheel, Vanna
Boogertown family say their old grandfather really loves "Wheel of Fortune" and that every time Vanna White comes out, it's "Vowel Vowel Vowel Voom!"
Hockey Coach Second Job
Hockey coach has second job during the summer in the park, urging little dogs when to poop.
Amish Elders Give In
Amish elders finally agree to take juvenile teenager to psychologist saying that he's been driving parents buggy.
Time To Rebuild
Reading blueprints upside-down leads wrecking supervisor to blow up the new sports stadium right across from the old. He apologizes to players, fans, especially those who were at the game.
Not Much Changed
Today's secret agents still have telephones hidden in their elevator shoes with Yanni ring tones.
Funeral Director says that dancing ability of Michael Jackson helped by having seven toes on each foot. "Probably a men swimmer, too."
What Do Nudists Think Of The Swine Flu?
Newly appointed Obama Czar apparently wants to know the personal opinions about the nation's problems from nudists his entire first month in office.
The Net Nut No More
Man who spends most of his time on the internet chatting forgets to eat and starves to death.
I Scream, We All Scream For Ice Cream
Fat guy in Phoenix trying to lose weight screams for ten minutes after hearing Ice Cream truck's jingle passing down the street. Hopes to get loud enough that kids can't hear & guy will go elsewhere.
Door Had Been Stuck
Lady in East Tennessee who passed away after opening gas station bathroom door was 54.
Another Obama Appointee
President Obama announces that the U.S. government has not done enough to protect the public from deadly sun rays. He than names Al Gore as the Sun Czar.
Miguel Karam To Appear On 'Hannah Montana'
Lebanese teen act and TheSpoof writer Miguel Karam will be making an appearance in the final season of the Disney Channel hit series Hannah Montana that stars Miley Cyrus.
written by Mig93, 25 July 2009
BBC Presenter, James May, to Be Imprisoned in Lego Tower
Top gear presenter, James May, is to play 'Rapunzel' in a tower built of Lego bricks. "I am looking forward to playing the part and it is such a nice place to let your hair down!" he said today.
written by IN SEINE, 25 July 2009
Jeremy Clarkson Feels 'At Home' in Belfast's Sewers
Speaking to the gutter press, Jeremy Clarkson, said that he felt "at home" when recreating the scene from the 'Italian Job' which featured 3 Mini Cars travelling at speed through Belfast sewers.
written by IN SEINE, 25 July 2009
Conrad Poohs And His Dancing Teeth
have been invited to perform at a White House Gala honoring the Association of American Dental Hygienists. Debbie Rowe will perform the toast at dinner followed by a signing of Petri dishes.
written by Wire Piddle, 25 July 2009
President Obama Contracts VP Biden's Affliction
White House announces President Obama has contracted a case of "foot in mouth disease," over his statements concerning Professor Gates. The president's doctor believes VP Biden was the carrier.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 25 July 2009
Green Man Dies
Man who survived since St. Patrick's Day finally dies. "Mac got really plastered and painted himself green, (He once played the Jolly Green Giant) and has been a vegetable until today", states family.
Still Studying Legalizing Pot
Schwarzenegger still considering legalizing pot to raise taxes. "We could use the millions raised but even if it only raised one million, who would give a rat's ass?"
Police Round Up Motorized Wheelchair Gang
65 old men in Florida retirement community arrested for presenting themselves as 16-year-olds on internet chat rooms, inviting teens to visit Florida community and awaiting their arrivals on Rascals.
Same Ole, Same Ole
Committee that gave President Obama copy of their conclusions for peace in the Middle East being sued by committee group who gave Bush last year's report for peace in the Middle East for plagiarism.
Terrorists Are Actors
Former member of staff on Al-Jazeera TV admits most of their film features on area terrorists done by actors. "They're really a bunch of pussycats", he tells reporters here.
"None Of The Above" May Be Next President
Poll reveals that "None Of The Above" leading against Democrats and Republicans in next elections.
"Other Places Have Violent Events!"
President of Pamplona, Spain says they will not stop "Running of the Bulls" after this year's death. Points out that Hemingway Look-Alike contest still going in US despite over 1500 suicides.
Steam Pipes Getting Old Under NYC
One hundred year old steam pipes erupting under Wall Street could cause Monday to get off to a rough start for investors as many already in the hole!
Have A Heart, Folks
National Fundraising Telethon planned for those who make over $250,000, once new tax laws go into place.
Geithner: Economy Improving:
Geithner says recession is easing! Cites the fact that there are fewer apple salesmen on the street, not so many police chalk outlines where jumpers hit sidewalk.
Rembered It The Other Way Around?
Amy Winehouse arrested for attacking judge who dismissed charges against her yesterday for hitting fan in the face.
We Are Well-Known Everywhere
Drunk guy at bar every Saturday night always lecturing on how very many great writers, composers and singers were also alcoholics!
Houston, We Have A Problem
Things suddenly go silent at Houston Control in Texas as Mars Rover sends back pictures of another Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Seems To Be Working
New police-style powers being given to civilians could create a third-tier police force, magistrates have warned, just before being arrested for misusing public funds and being led out the door.
Clarkson Uses Swear Word
That Bloody BBC TV presenter Jeremy Clarkson has provoked controversy after using a swear word to describe Prime Minister Gordon Brown at a Top Gear recording.
Brown Blamed Again!
Sr. Labour MPs have accused Gordon Brown of being directly responsible for the party's crushing defeat in the Norwich North by-election. "We fought hard but couldn't overcome his dropping his pants."
China Lauches Mideast TV Channel
China is launching an Arabic-language TV channel to show the Middle East and North Africa the "real" China. That is, whenever smog finally lifts.
Ruling Kurds Losing Election
Ruling Kurds face poll challenge. In early results, they've fallen whey behind.
Agent Orange Pretty Bad
Agent Orange linked to heart disease, Parkinson's. Military announces that Colonel Orange is receiving treatment at an unknown Army facilities.
Dems Clear One Health Obstacle
House Democrats clear one health obstacle, as representative from Alabama with Swine Flu helped from the building.
Man Accused Of Buying , Selling Kidneys
Brooklyn man accused of buying, selling kidneys. Apparently cook has been placing them inside of pies along with steaks for over 40 years.
Astronauts Install Fresh Batteries
Astronauts install fresh batteries on spacewalk 4. Energizer Bunny asks to be brought back to earth.
Endangered Frogs Found Just In Time
Evidence of endangered frog group found in California restaurant's menu. PETA pissed.
Roman Shipwrecks Found OK
Five ancient Roman shipwrecks found off Italy coast. Picked up by coast guard and brought back to nursing facility that they had wandered away from. "Wonder they hadn't drowned", says Captain.
Toyota/GM Ties Not Working
Toyota to end California joint venture with General Motors as the Hybrid Hummer, Corvair both off to a bad start.
Obama Slashing Number Of Lobbyists
President Obama moves to cut number of lobbyists in half. Asks those still there to bring a lot of extra cash.
US, Koreas Back To Talks?
North Korea invites US, South Korea to talks in Pyongyang. Could renew argument over size of table, chairs, who sits where, that never was settled in 1950-1953 war.
Testing The Waters
Ousted President Zelaya briefly steps back into Honduras, loses big toe to bullet.
Heavy Firing In Afghan City
Heavy firing erupts in southeastern Afghan city. People there say it's no big thing, just got bored since nothing's been happening for awhile.
Some More News
Ericsson buys Nortel wireless units for $1 billion. So we can all quit worrying ourselves sick over that.
Michael Jackson Investigation Thorough
Sheriff now probing Michael Jackson coroner's employees, their families, friends, people they've met on the street, pets...I think I see one coming to your door now.
Only 40% To Have Flu!
Report: Swine flu could hit up to 40 percent in US, other 60% will simply have 105 degree temperatures, runs and vomiting from regular old everyday-type flu.
Hillary Reassures Mideast If Iran Goes Nuclear
Hillary Clinton set off tremors in the Middle East this week when she said a nuclear Iran could be contained by a U.S. "defense umbrella" & that there's a big rabbit following her everywhere she goes.
Several Million Volunteers To Date
Wanted: Women to eat chocolate for a year! This ad has got to be from Nigeria!
Obaba About Race Uproar
Obama moves to dampen uproar over comment on race. "Cars should have noise muffled as fans losing hearing while attending NASCAR."
Bush After Buffalo
Report: Bush mulled sending troops into Buffalo but was afraid of getting into trouble with the Park Service, especially in Yosemite.
Babies Comprehend Fido
Scientist announces that babies can comprehend 'canine' language. "That's why they listen to their Mamas!", yells Smartass from the back.
Gitmo Detainees To US Jails?
Some Gitmo detainees may come to US jails. Many prisoners from New York City say they hope so.
Whoops, Sorry 'Bout That
70-year-old man becomes 70-year-old woman with one missed cut of a scalpel!