Stick It To Him
New Mexico man pulls lady out of car in mall parking lot & tries to take off but can't drive a manual shift. Gets it going just as police arrive. Lady told police she had thought he looked shiftless.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Brad Pitt's Cousin Strikes Out
Brad Pitt's cousin, Arm, still not having any luck with the girls even though he's tried all of Brad's moves.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Fijimori Gets 25 Years
Peru's former president, Fijimori gets 25 years for death squads even though he kept reminding that that there had been on his watch.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Doctor Feeler
Sex pest GP struck off after telling woman rubbing breasts was a test for pregnancy, big rectal thermometer to check if colon OK.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Latest On "Body Part "Killer
British Police find MORE human remains as the hunt for 'body part' killer continues. Yesterday, Sgt. Roderick Myers said that an eyebrow was located on the top of a fence post.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
ACM Salutes George Strait
The Academy of Country Music has saluted George Strait as their Artist of the Decade with an all-star two-hour concert. Following that, Miss Minnie Pearl was voted Artist of the past Century.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Boris Johnson arrested.
London Mayor, Boris Johnson, has admitted on the Andrew Marr show that he was once arrested for impersonating an MP.
written by norma snockers, 07 April 2009
Anthropologists Predict Evolution of Tiny Thumbs
Grlz luv txtng. XXX ; )
written by Jay T. Jennings, 07 April 2009
Al Gore Loosens Up
Family member says former Vice President Al Gore has loosened up to the point that he now occasionally taps his index finger to the beat of Yanni.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Trek Convention Close early
A nationally advertised Star Trek convention closes a day early in Las Vegas as all the prostitutes turn out to be Ferengi.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
New Yankee Stadium A Wonder
The new Yankee Stadium, built on the same field dimensions as the old park, will have lots of extras like gourmet foods, some really great bars and that relief pitchers will be beamed to the mound.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
NYC Signs Removed
New York City Mayor Bloomberg says they will be taking down all 2,000 "Rat Crossing" signs soon, hoping it will draw a few more tourists.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Those Regis Posters
National Health Group says that kids five years old and younger with posters of Regis in their rooms should be tested for Autism.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Killer Bees More Dangerous Than Originally Thought
The National Questioner reveals that killer bees are not only headed north but now have trained Suicide Windshield Bombers (or SWAB) terrorist group ready to go.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Chinese Disneyland
Disney Inc. is in negotiations with China over building "The People's Republic of Goofy Land" near Beijing.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Bush Loses Bet
George W. Bush loses bet with former VP Cheney after argument in which Bush maintained that Barbra Streisand's classic song, "People" was about the magazine.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Fake Shark Fin Not Funny
Local dad in trouble after placing a fake shark fin in the pool during kids neighborhood party results in ruined party, pool water.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Disney Screws Up
New Disney movie "Betty White And The Seven Dwarfs" pulled after complaints. Company announces it will reappear later with R rating.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Pool Company Off
A pool company in New Jersey is sued after drunken crew built it three feet high on one end and fifty feet on the other.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Fortune Cookie Warning
Customer at Chinese restaurant complains after her fortune cookie reads, "Do not eat the pork here, they bleach it".
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Nigerian Company Sued
Customers sue "Wrinkles Be Gone" but the company, based in Nigeria, has already taken their money and closed. "All they did was send a message to gain 50 pounds", stated one victim of scam.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Biden Auctioning Obamabilia
Vice President Joe Biden accused of making millions selling Obamabilia on eBay while the Obamas were on recent trip overseas.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Coming to a chemists near you!
A new spray has been developed by urologists to enable men to last up to six times longer when making love. That will be a whole 30 seconds then!
written by norma snockers, 07 April 2009
New Reality Show Creates New "Out"Laws
Swapping Mother-in-Laws, in its pilot run, has resulted in dual divorce litigation, giving the term "family feud" a whole new meaning.
written by TomFoolery, 07 April 2009
Spray Promises "Longer In The Sack"
New spray promises six times longer "in the sack" not helping say females in interview. "Most say having a longer sack makes little difference!"
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
More Ads Now Online
The traditional advertising market may be in decline, but online classifieds are bucking the trend, according to 5'9", 190, black hair & brown eyes, love to jog, pets, seeking FM with same interests.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
French Surgeon Gives Hope
A leading French surgeon says he has now effectively carried out a full face transplant after two operations in the same number of weeks. "From now on, our noses will not be in the air!"
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
It's A New World Out There
Moldova students raid parliament after Turdistan launches surprise attack on Penovia. Redarko troops seen in city square surrounding Penislavia headquarters! UN condemns Burl Isles standoff!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Shoe Hurler Gets Sentence Cut
The Iraqi journalist who hurled his shoes at former US President George W Bush has had his sentence cut from three years to one year on appeal, after no bombs were found in the shoes.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Obama Makes Surprise Visit
US President Barack Obama is in Iraq on a completely unannounced visit for talks with Iraqi leaders and to see US troops applauding his landing.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
What Goes Around!
Scientific study finds that the big worm you used to catch and eat that rainbow trout contained human remains.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Playing Games May Help
Study: Playing video games may improve your vision the same way playing slot machines may improve your pocketbook.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
GMC Taken Over By GOV.
President Barack Obama fires GM CEO Rick Wagoner as government takes over bankrupt auto company and hands it over to experts at Social Security, Medicare, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
"The Guiding Light " Finally Blows A Fuse
CBS has decided to finally pull the plug on it's 72-year-old soap "The Guiding Light. CEO claims that they had completely forgotten that it was still on.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Solar Flare A Disaster
Scientists warn that a sudden sun flare could knock out all electrical power on earth and completely melt Cher!
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Robot Makes Independent Discovery
A new robot named Adam makes an independent scientific discovery. "Those idiots have made me without a Johnson!"
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
NYC Saving On Electricity
To save on electricity, New York City Mayor Bloomberg has announced that all traffic lights in Manhattan will be replaced by Four-Way Go signs.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Another One's Gone?
The next major newspaper to go under may well be the Louisville Courier-Journal according to "TheLouisvilleCourier-
Journal.net" internet site.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Ready, Batman Fans?
The new Batman III isn't due to be out until 2010 but the word around the studio is that Batman will be battling the highly-pissed Incredible Incontinento in this one.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
"A Trumped Up Charge" Your Honor
Founder and CEO of "Bestmoonshineintheworld.com" pleads "not guilty" to charges of making his own whiskey to sell.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Where is the music.
Muzak announces plan to buy out MTV saying America wants it's MTV. Muzak television.
written by tight lip tommie, 07 April 2009
Parky vs Jesus : my money's on Meg Ryan
This week, Michael Parkinson entered into the spirit of the upcoming Easter celebrations by sharing his thoughts on Jesus. He told the Christian Gazette that the son of God was "a reet moany bastard".
written by Pumpkin Wilson, 07 April 2009
Motor trade gloom
The economy is so bad that Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM, Wall Street announced today.
written by IN SEINE, 07 April 2009
The Well-Traveled Polar Bears
Scientists are reporting that the polar ice caps are melting at an alarming rate. Residents of the African country of Mauritania have reported seeing polar bears floating by on big chunks of ice.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 April 2009
The North Korean Circus of Clowns
As if the North Koreans aren't in enough hot water already over their rocket launch. The Aviary Society of Japan is reporting that the rocket hit a flock of Canadian Mallards injuring four.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 April 2009
The Unemployment Line
Due to the nation's high rate of unemployment, the unemployment offices are taking applications for unemployment clerks.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 April 2009
The One And Only Original Blarney Stone
The country of Ireland teetering on the verge of bankruptcy, has come up with an idea to raise some much-needed capital. They will be placing the Blarney Stone on eBay.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 April 2009
Madonna Wants Samantha Ronson
Madonna says that now that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have broken up she wants to adopt Samantha. Ronson replies that if anyone is going to adopt her, it's going to be Amy Winehouse.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 April 2009
2010 Early Census Facts
2010 Census Bureau already getting in facts. For instance, in the course of a lifetime, the average American eats twice his weight in those little cocktail weiners.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Pelosi Power Mad
Nancy Pelosi, drunk with power, has reportedly beaten three Republican congressmen half to death with her gavel.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Couric Announces New Slogan
Anchor Katie Couric announced the new CBS slogan: "More hip than the Weather Channel" on 6 O'Clock News.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Korean Rocket In Ocean
Kim Jong Il says North Korean rocket made it successfully into outer space but was shot down into the ocean after illegally entering Klingon territory.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Doesn't Take A Hint
British cop who can't take a hint from "Sailor Dick's trying to take a shore leave, officer" nor "Attention Mr. Johnson, clean up in aisle Pants", finally told zipper is down.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Bill Still Having Bad Dreams
Former President Bill Clinton admits in interview that he's still having those nightmares where Monica Lewinsky in eating the rest of him.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
10,000th Spice Girl's Joke
Stand-Up Comedian at a club in Philadelphia tells 10,000th Spice Girl's Spice Rack joke, receives gift, a spice rack.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Rare Photo Sells
A rare photo of a city's entire downtown square without a Starbucks sells for $10,000 on eBay auction.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Man Seeking Female, Not Particular
Local man who puts away at least a dozen chili dogs a week still can't figure out why he never gets a second date or why the first one leaves within 15 minutes.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Hal Was Stupid
After hearing about poor old Ernie at the office passing a kidney stone the size of a marble and being in hospital, pregnant wife blows away husband, Hal.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Need Joj, Not Bullets
Millions still unemployed in the United States but still not filling out applications for 1,000 openings as Post Office Employee Grief Counselors.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Unveiled Freaks
Rosie O'Donnell has fight with Pakistani New York City taxi driver who called her and her partner "Unveiled Curb Freaks".
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
CPA Cracks
Local CPA cracks up during final week of Income Tax season, figures last fifteen customers taxes on TV remote.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
Loves His Work
Owner of local Minute Mart in Boogertown, Tennessee names his new twins, Minute Shinkh and Mart Shinkh.
written by Bureau, 07 April 2009
