KFC Keeps The Old Pecker Up
Kentucky Fried Chicken sales are up in the first quarter since introducing, "The Big Pecker" to it's list of products. Also popular with the workers, "Have you tried the 'Big Pecker' today?"
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Queen Apparently Amused
Asked if she had been listening to the new iPod that the Obamas had given her as a gift, Her Royal Majesty, the Queen replied, "Immediately after chucking the royal 8-track" & chuckled a bit.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Obama's Turkish Attempt Fails
Barack Obama's attempt at speaking Turkish fails as "Your beautiful art museum I attended today is a good one" comes out "I've got quite an artistic fellow in my pants who is a good one."
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
New drug dangerous for women
A pharmaceutical company has failed to be granted a licence because it is causing women to join a convent. The FDA advise that it is a bit habit-forming.
written by IN SEINE, 06 April 2009
Pope Benedict declares its not a sin to kiss a nun
The Pope has ruled that it is not a sin to kiss a nun as long as you don't get into the habit.
written by IN SEINE, 06 April 2009
McDonald's are forced to introduce economy range
Because of the fall in the economy, burger giant, McDonald's are to introduce the new economy range. It will include the 'Mini Mac' & Fry or the quarter-ouncer it was announced today.
written by IN SEINE, 06 April 2009
Clap On, Clap Off!
After horrible accident, OSHA orders all highway construction crews to change signs from "Please Turn Off Radios, Blasting In Area" to include "Or Clappers".
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Ringo Arafat
Judge orders Suha Arafat, the late Yasser's wife, to cough up over one million dollars that was originally intended for Ringo Star.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Julia Child, Agent #008
Other WWII spies say Julia Child's favorite way of getting the goods on enemy spies was by going through their trash cans at night while dressed up like a big raccoon.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Couric Cautioned By CBS
CBS News Anchor, Katie Couric apparently has one too many Starbucks Cafe Lattes, does evening news in three minutes while bouncing up and down in her chair.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Another Cruise Problem
Disney Cruise ship comes back to port after only one day out after Captain refuses to remove his coonskin cap and cursing Santa Ana.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Nader Really Flipped This Time?
Friends of Ralph Nader say he's losing it. So what's new about that? For one, he's hired a detective to follow himself to see what he's been up to lately.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Whole Body Scans Available
TSA Whole Body Airport Scans are now available to everyone on their new "Pay For View" Cable Channel to offset increasing costs of flying, allow for free peanuts once again.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
No More "War On Terror"
The White House has announced that they will stops using the Bush Administration phrase "War on Terror" and replace it with, "Yes We Can Catch Bin Laden".
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Amazing Nostradamus Prediction
Amazingly, Nostradamus predicted that on April 6th, 2009 you would be reading something called a Snippet on something called The Spoof!!!
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Obama Does It Again!
NATO falls victim to the Barack Obama charm. Commits 5,000 new Moral Supporters to Afghanistan.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Bank Of America Changing Names
Bank of America credit card holders have been informed that they will soon be issued new cards and that they are changing their name to The Bank Of The Congressional Committee's Approval.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
NKorea Tells People, Good News!
North Korea has announced that the first half of rock launch went exactly where aimed, into the ocean. However, they are now negotiated for remains with Somalia pirates.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
New American Made Cars Coming Out
The Ford Motor Company will be getting out a new hybrid this fall that they are calling the AIG. This one should keep us on the charts, says spokesman. Meanwhile GMC will introduce the Ginnie Mae!
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Gingrich Recalls "W"
Newt Gingrich tells reporters that, while he liked George W. Bush a lot and still does, he had gotten a little tired of being called Nuke Gunrich.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Obama Not Clinton
Attendants on Air Force One say Preasident Obama is fun to be around but that Bill Clinton's Air Force One Mile-High Club was the best ever.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
"The Whitest Woman in America" Award
The NCAWP, (North Carolina Association For White People) has named Australian actress Nicole Kidman as this year's recipient of its "Whitest Woman in America" award. Second place went to Marcia Cross.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2009
Eliot "I Did Not Have Sex All That Often" Spitzer
Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer revealed he did not sleep with prostitutes all that often. Oh...heck I guess everyone was just under the false impression that he was sleeping with sluts 24/7.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2009
Marley Inducted Into R&R Hall Of Fame
Bob Marley being inducted certificate into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland was presented to his zombie, BRAINS Marley.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Madonna A Little Down
Friends say Madonna is so upset over losing her Malawi adoption attempt, she's cried herself into three face lifts.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
The Earthquake-Fearin' Bears
National Park officials have disclosed that because of the earthquakes that hit Yellowstone National Park back in January a total of 14 bears willingly turned themselves in to The San Diego Zoo.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2009
Claire Balding not sorry for the teeth remark
BBC sport presenter, Claire Balding, is not sorry for making the remark about the Grand National winner's teeth. "I was talking to the horse, Mon Mome, and not the rider" she said today.
written by IN SEINE, 06 April 2009
Once A Con Artist Always A Con Artist
Bernard Madoff has been placed in solitary confinement because he was caught running an illegal opening day baseball sports pool which netted him $4,000.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2009
Rush "The Crayfishing" Limbaugh
GOP mouthpiece Rush Limbaugh is now doing a little backpedaling. He says he never said he hoped Obama fails. He says he said, I hope Obama sails. As like on a ship as opposed to Air Force One.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2009
The Youthful Regis & The Blonde Kelly
"Live With Regis And Kelly" co-host Regis Philbin, who is 94, has just signed a contract to do the show for another ten years. Kelly, true to her blonde tradition, only put 89 candles on the cake.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2009
Gov. Sarah Palin's Secret War Plans
Gov. Palin stated that due to all of the ex-future in-law problems she is having with Levi and his mother and now with husband Todd's half-sister, she's decided to cancel Alaska's invasion of Russia.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2009
NASCAR Cousins
West Virginia wants to ban the dangerous sport of NASCAR. They say that they'll replace it with the dangerous sport of Cousin Datin'.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2009
El Donaldo Trump Fires Two Women
Donald Trump fired two celebrities from "The Celebrity Apprentice." Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins and Khloe Kardashian. Khloe was fired because she has a big butt and Tionne was fired because she's Black.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2009
The Brazilian Waxing Alternative
Due to the skyrocketing cost of wax, most of Brazil's beauty salons are planning to discontinue Brazilian waxing. They plan to replace it with Brazilian plucking.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2009
Carnie "The Yo-Yo Dieter" Wilson
Wilson Phillips member Carnie Wilson, 40, discloses that she is pregnant. Her doctor says that she weighs 493 lbs. Wilson says, it's really no big deal because 350 pounds of it is just water weight.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 06 April 2009
Cloned Cat Problems
Scientists report having trouble with cloned cat as it keeps confusing cat box with food dish and always lands on his ass.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Soup Drops Toy
The Campbell's Soup Company has decided to drop their idea of getting more kids to eat a healthy meal by placing a toy in every can.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
NYC Mayor Accused
New York City Mayor Bloomberg accused of fixing Gambino family tickets for garroting people.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Mulitasking
Drunken mother caught drinking, eating burger, talking on cell phone and breastfeeding while driving in Australia.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Woman Jailed After Flasely Accusing Ex-Husband
Estranged wife jailed for falsely accusing husband of sex attack. Says she was frustrated because he would never sexual attack her while they were married.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Swindling Widow Caught
Swindling widow claimed £40,000 from husband's pension 13 years after he died. Claims he is "still alive in my heart".
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Algerian May Be Deported This Time
Back again: Deported twice but Algerian bag thief saunters in to Britain for the SECOND time in two years under present name, ten times earlier under fake identity of John Doe from Kokomo.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Party Busted
Local man says that his great idea of bringing an inflatible friend to his party in Peoria, Illinois was going great until a few pinheads arrived.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Woody Allen Thrown Out Of Deli
Woody Allen thrown out of New York City deli after continuing to point at meatloaf and barking, asking it to "sit up" and "roll Over".
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Unemployed Being Humiliated
Unemployed invited to take part in 'humiliating' Easter egg hunt - to win job application forms. Others to try luck with surprise forms in cereal boxes, treasure hunts.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
U.N. Warns NKorea, "We'll Talk You To Death"
U.N Ambassador Susan Rice says the U.S. is asking the United Nations for "a clear and strong response" to North Korea's missile launch, while North Korean ambassador rolls on floor with laughter.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Obama Shows He's A Rookie
President Obama touts growing friendship with Turkey. Uses new chickenshit approach to nuclear weapons.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Berlusconi News Blackout!
Silvio Berlusconi threatens news blackout after reports of latest gaffes after Italian leader forgets to wear pants to formal dinner.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Obama Poll Really Mixed
Partisan Gap in Obama job approval widest in modern era as Liberals approval 80%, conservatives 20%. May indicant President Idiot/Savant.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Geithner The Gatherer
US Treasury Secretary Geithner says he is prepared to oust executives at banks that require "exceptional" government assistance. Refuses banks payments of loans, wants all under continued control!
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Larry King Hospitalized
CNN announces that Larry King is resting well in a New York City hospital after getting his suspenders tangled up in his mike and guest, Rosie O'Donnell.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Barney Franks Sues
Usual chums Barney Frank and Bill Clinton have had a falling out as Frank accuses the former president for sexual harassment.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Teachers Finally Get Raise
Teacher's pay finally raised in Kentucky after Physical Ed. teacher and family discovered living under the bleachers.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
Poor In Math Created Tax Problems
Still another Obama drops out of appointment to cabinet because of income tax problems. "I almost failed math in college", stated unnamed nominee.
written by Bureau, 06 April 2009
