Estate agents warn...
The United Kingdom Federation of Estate Agents have discovered that the first step to homelessness is the home equity loan.
written by IN SEINE, 26 April 2009
1,000th Mall Victim
Mall of America in Minnesota marked it's 1,000 victim this weekend of mall de mere! Victim also being checked for Cotton Candy Flu!
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Earth Week Ends
Earth Day, or Earth Week as it is this year, officially came to it's end yesterday with a huge Monster Truck Show in Atlanta!
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Moose Upset In Toronto
For the third game in a row, a moose has ran Toronto's baseball outfielders off the field. Native Americans say the moose are upset over the pansy name, "Blue Jays".
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
U.S. Conquers Eskimos
On this day in 1870, the United States officially took over Alaska from Russia after the army drove the last native Eskimos from their snow forts.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Yiddish Only Spoken Here
The Jewish Anti-Definition League demands that Yiddish only be spoken in some parts of New York and Miami, while putting out their new Yiddish dictionary.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Greenpeace Upset Again
Greenpeace launches complaint after whale that played "Free Willy" in the movie dies on stage after only one showing of new musical, "Free That Willy Whale, Lads!"
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Economic downturn affects hospitals
Hospitals here in the UK are being badly affected by the global economic crisis. Reports in today, suggest that surgeons are already having to take a cut in their wages.
written by IN SEINE, 26 April 2009
DaVinci Code?
Eagle eyed taxpayers claim to have spotted a new kind of the da Vinci code. They say; " Have you ever noticed that when you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs."
written by IN SEINE, 26 April 2009
Viagra's Role In 2008 Election
Latest poll shows that during the 2008 elections, men who took Viagra were less likely to flip-flop on the issues.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Texas Man Freed
Texas man freed as judge ruled his killing of his neighbor who had 397 garden and yard gnomes, justifiable homicide.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Big Windy Breakthrough
Scientists has announced that they have developed a new strain of genetically engineered cabbage and sweet potatoes that will allow you to fart in Klingon.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Attention Guinness People
Man who was arrested for groping women on a New York subway for the 55th time would like for the Guinness Book of Records to contact him at his 12th Precinct jail. Ask for The Goober.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Gas Hitting Elderly
Gas is hitting the elderly the hardest according to the May edition of "Nursing Home Today".
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Openings At Homeless Shelter
Still more job openings at the Lecter Soup Kitchen For The Homeless as they are having a tremendous turnover of employees.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Lions Fans Loyal
Detroit Lions fans say they can't wait until next NFL season with all the beer and tailgate barbecues. Some say they may even go inside a catch some of the game.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Voting Problem Surfaces In Virginia
A report just now out in Virginia's thirteenth precinct last November, man with several personalities argued with himself for 35 minutes before casting vote as he was hauled out of booth.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Limbaugh Blames Obama For Swine Flu
Rush Limbaugh is blaming Obama for bringing the swine flu here from his visit to Mexico. He says he's now spreading it around, & if anyone is an authority on spreading it around, it's Rush Limbaugh.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
The Team Formerly Known As The Green Bay Packers
Hewlett-Packard has just purchased the NFL's Green Bay Packers. The team's new name will be The Green Bay Hewlett-Packards.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 April 2009
The Northrop Grumman Rumblings
The shareholders of Northrop Grumman have voted to change the companies name to something a little easier to remember and pronounce. Effective May 1, their new name will be Circuit City.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 April 2009
Lowe's Gettin' Down
The world's second largest home improvement chain, Lowe's has announced their greatest price lowering promotion. The corporate director of advertising is calling the promotion, "Lowe's Lowers Itself."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 April 2009
The Lake Michigan Car Dealership
General Motors announces that it plans to hire about 100 employees. The new workers will be hired to drive GM's 'unsellable' cars into Lake Michigan.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 April 2009
Latest Car News From Kentucky
Toyota factory in Georgetown, Kentucky may close for two months and be placed up on cinder blocks this summer.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
US Makes Swine Flu Deal
The Swine Flu has agreed not to come into the United States if they will agree to the term, The Glamour Flu.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Summer Of Love Commemorated
Beginning on this day in 1968, the 1967 Summer of Love in San Francisco brought forth the 1968 Spring of The Babies with over 10,000 new Moonchild and Rainbow's born withing three month period.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
New Snooping Plan
Police can snoop on every email sent in Britain, eavesdrop on Internet phone calls and children whispering to Mum's that they need to pee, under new plan
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
No Peel Carrots
Coming soon to a supermarket near you, the 'no peel' carrot. Also, the non-slippery banana peel and the blind potato.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
300 Taliban Soldiers Lost
'300 Taliban suicide bombers on way to Islamabad,' claimed Pakistan officials, before idiot in front stumbles setting off chain reaction.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Clintton Urges NKorea To Abandon Nuclear Weapons
US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has urged North Korea to return to its obligations to rid the Korean peninsula of nuclear weapons & that laughter over rocket landing in ocean has died down.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Susan Boyle of "Britain's Got Talent" selected by Detroit Lions in 4th round of NFL Draft
Team President says "If everyone who watched her on You Tube buys tickets to see her sing The National Anthem for every home game, who cares about our on-field performance?"
written by unknown
Hapless Detroit Lions select Florida State Cheerleader with third round pick in NFL Draft.
Says team president, "Pretty girls with big boobs on the sidelines are going keep the fans more excited than our time on the field."
written by unknown
Linebacker Bubba Jones taken by winless Detroit Lions in second round of NFL Draft.
"I heared about them draft dodgers in Vietnams so's I'se gonna go to Canada. They football can't suck as bad as Detroit."
written by unknown
Super-Rich Hit Hard
To the delight of most Britons, the UK's super-rich have seen their wealth fall in the past year during the economic downturn, according to this year's Sunday Times Rich List.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Facebook Firing
A Swiss woman has lost her job after her employers spotted she was using the Facebook website when she had claimed to be too ill to use a computer. Woman claims she was trying to make out her will.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Italy's Ship Escapes Pirates
Italy ship thwarts pirate attack by hurling three-pound meatballs, sinking pirate vessel.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Mexico Flu Spreads
Mexico flu sparks worldwide fear. Experts in field theorize Mexican Flu could have evolved from Spanish Fly.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Tamil Tigers Declare Ceasefire
Tamil Tiger rebels fighting government forces in north-east Sri Lanka have declared a unilateral ceasefire among all seven bullet less rebels left.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
John Prine Lyrics
Songwriter, Singer John Prine admits lyrics "You come home straight & you come home curly, sometimes you don't come home at all" about Swine Flu.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Crewman Recounts Encounter With Pirates
Freighter crewman recounts struggle with pirates. Tells U.S Intelligence to forget water boarding, keel-hauling will loosen your tongue quickly enough.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
All In The Family
'Golden Girls' star Bea Arthur dies at 86. As Maude moves in, Carrol O'Conner moves to other side of heaven.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Net Cast For Suspected Murderer
Net cast for Georgia professor suspected in fatal shootings, as he love to swim in Georgia's Lake Sidney Lanier early in the mornings.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
NY Awaits Flu Verdict
NY awaits confirmation of probable swine flu cases. May shut down both Yankees and Mets new stadiums, possibly traffic in & out of Manhattan.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Clinton Reassures On Overtures To Syria
Sec. of State Clinton reassures Lebanon on overtures to Syria: "We're sending them the 'William Tell Overture' because we're fairly sure that few Syrians have even heard of The Lone Ranger."
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
Pakistan Launches Offensive
Pakistan launches new offensive against militants. "They are the scum of the earth, the lowlifes of civilization!", says Pakistan General in the most offensive language.
written by Bureau, 26 April 2009
