Aussies Boast On Earth Day
Aussies celebrated Earth Day this week by pointing out that all the kangaroos, Wallabies and rats were free-range kangaroos, wallabies and rats.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Obama on Michelle #3
"…and you know I like your strap on up my tight black ass!"
Source - US White House - Snoop Bug Transmitter 5
written by iscrivener, 23 April 2009
Obama - "UK Has It's Own Area 51!"
If you're looking for the latest in hush-hush experimental intergalactic space flights, look no further than the new "UK's Area 51".
Source Area 51 Nellis-NTTR and Spoof News' Articles
written by iscrivener, 23 April 2009
The Moon Protests Earth Day...
...claims rest of Solar System discriminated against.
written by Jack Van Gump, 23 April 2009
Earth Day Pollution
After 24-hours of Earth Day yesterday, most people were apparently celebrating the worldwide festival by getting polluted.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Cran & Lobster Fans
Rocky Bluff, Maine to have it's own festival in July, called "The Bluff", Probably Known For it's Crabs & Lobsters!. "Tell tourists: Bring an appetite & some long handled drawers, July can be cold."
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Heart Really Broken
Big drunk redneck still at local bar's karaoke night singing 123rd version of "Achy Breaky Heart", long after the lights were turned off, door locked.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Jets Scramble Over DC
Military jets scramble over Washington DC as several people floating over in lawn chairs, to get a better view, causes major panic in congress.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Larry King's "Old-People's Smell" Cologne A Hit!
Surprisingly enough, Larry King's newly released cologne "King's Old-People's Smell" is being bought up by students who wear it, along with make-up, while picking up alcohol at package stores.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Clinton Doesn't Believe Cheney
"It won't surprise you that I don't consider former V.P. Cheney a particularly reliable source of information," stated Sec. of St. Hillary Clinton at a hearing yesterday. "Unlike my Bill", she added.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Michael Jackson In Collision?
Michael Jackson may have been involved in a bizarre hit and run collision with an ambulance in Beverly Hills, a medic said Wednesday. "We'll know for sure after DNA tests of nose found at the scene."
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Obama To Walk To Cuba
United States President Obama says that to convince the Cuban people that he is serious about a new relationship, he will walk all the way from Miami to the island.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Good Times Coming!
BUDGET 2009: Darling savaged over 'fantasy' Budget but STILL insists good times are just round the coroner.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Widow Wins Rights To Peace & Quiet
Widow wins right to peace and quiet in landmark court ruling as noisy shipyard next to her home is shut down and 200 employees told to go home.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
380 Pupils Sent Home
Headteacher sends home 380 pupils for breaking minor rules... like having the wrong school jumper in your bag, not wearing condoms.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Jailed Britons Given Alternative Sentences
Serial criminals in Briton given lessons in angling, how to play polo and croquet as an alternative to jail time.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Certain Brits "Don't Exist"
Nick Griffin defends BNP leaflet that says black and Asian Britons 'do not exist'. Jury still out on Alpha Centaurian Britons in UFO's.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Google Street View Fine, Says Watchdog.
Google Street View does not invade personal privacy, rules UK watchdog. Cameras will remain outside resident's bedroom windows.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Too Loud During Sex
Sue Cartwright, who was given an Asbo banning her from making too much noise during sex, was arrested by police for a second time, yesterday. "It's because I yells the Queen's name", states Sue.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Break-ins Up, Bribes Down
House break-ins jump by 4% as recession crime-wave washes across Britain. However, bribes to political leaders and police are down by almost 50%.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Two Arrests In Jigsaw Murder
'Jigsaw' murder police make two arrests as detectives finally identify body parts victim, say a third may be sought from "Parts Unknown".
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Earth Day Tribute Scorched
West Virginia man who claimed he was making a statement for Earth Day by his tribute to what mankind is doing to Mother Earth, arrested for burning old tires anyway.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Bob Geldoff expecting another child
Bob Geldoff and girlfriend Jane Smith are expecting another child later this year. The couple plan to call the child Cartwheel Candy Floss Ferris Wheel. Don't laugh - they probably will.
written by Bluebella, 23 April 2009
Earth Day Hippies "Score With Gore!"
Earth Day hippies announced that they have achieved zero carbon footprints by never washing or flushing valuable water supplies or using soap while planting 1,000,000 new marijuana plants!
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Earth Day In DC
Yesterday was Earth Day when hundreds of thousands of Americans drive hundreds of thousands of cars to Washington, DC to celebrate Mother Earth and to protest Global Warming, further drilling for oil.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Iranian Announcement
Iran has announced that for the first time in it's long history, it now has more mustaches than people.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Another Mideast Dispute?
Israeli, Palestinian ambassadors in another heated argument during Live TV hook-up with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. This time the dispute's over the borders of the Mediterranean Sea.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Wild Animals Disappearing
Wild grazing animals in Kenya's Masai Mara National Reserve are steadily disappearing, a new study from poachers has found.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Pollution Prevents Global Warming
Air pollution may be helping the fight against global warming by enhancing the ability of plants to absorb carbon dioxide, scientists say as Al Gore shits, goes blind.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Netanyahu To Visit Egypt
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has been invited to visit Egypt, after recent huge frog, lice, locust invasions, Israeli officials say.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Turkey, Armenia Normalize Relations
Turkey and Armenia have announced they have agreed on a "framework" to normalize their bilateral ties, putting decades of strained relations, mounds of hot steaming bullshit behind them.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Japan To Hit Pirates
The lower house of Japan's parliament has approved a bill to allow the country's naval ships with small one-man kamikaze pilots aboard to take a bigger role in fighting pirates off Somalia.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Fossil of Seal, Horn Puzzzles Scientists
It may look like a cross between a seal and an otter; but an Arctic fossil could, scientists say, hold the secret of seal evolution in its feet. Also, type of mysterious honking horn dug up with seal.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
G8 Summit To Meet In Earthquake Town
Italy's cabinet has backed plans by Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi to move this summer's G8 summit to the earthquake-struck town of L'Aquila but admit it could get off to a shaky start.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
The Smoking Fire in Seattle
News reports have just come in that The Smoking May Be Hazardous To Your Health Department Building in Seattle has just burned down.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 April 2009
The Surprising Waterloo, Iowa
A resort scam has been discovered in Waterloo, Iowa. Apparently a con artist was selling time shares to Iowa's first nude beachfront hotel.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 April 2009
The Buxom But Waxy Dolly Parton
The Country Music Wax Museum located in Waxahachie, Texas, has reported that the wax figure of Dolly Parton has been stolen. The thieves have issued a ransom demand of $4424.38, (44-24-38).
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 April 2009
The Geography Masters
A group of high school students were asked how they thought the 9/11 terrorists entered the U.S. Their answers and percent: Canada - 20%, Mexico - 10%, France - 15%, Iceland - 30%, the door - 25%.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 April 2009
The New U.S. Pentagon Building
In a move to address governmental budget constraints, the United States Pentagon Building is being downsized to The United States Square Building.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 April 2009
Tremendous Explosion Hits Baghdad
Tremendous suicide bomb hits Baghdad, although only trace of the suicide bomber that can be found is right eyebrow.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
India's Friday The 13th
Due to the unlucky conotations, India has decided to change Friday the 13th to Friday the Black Cat.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 April 2009
Waterboarding Approval Earlier Than Thought
The CIA's use of waterboarding to interrogate terrorism suspects was approved by Condoleezza Rice as early as 2002, a senate report reveals. Monica Lewinsky's by Hillary as early as 1999.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
China Displays Warships
China is staging a military parade to celebrate its navy's 60th anniversary - and show the world its latest warships, minus the three presently in the hands of the Samoli pirates.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Molecule Proven To Exist
A molecule that until now existed only in theory has finally been made. The important sounding announcement came this morning from Egghead University.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
"Dead Horse" Polo Matches Continue
US Open Polo play resumes after Florida horse deaths. Teams on dead horses both declared winners as "There's no use beating a dead horse".
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
American Idol Trims List Of Finalists
American Idol finalists Lil Rounds, Anoop Desai are now out. Also Zeus, Apollo, Isis and Aphrodite.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Beach Area Burns
South Carolina wildfire burns homes near popular beach area, apparently not enough water around beach to put the fire out.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Screwed Americans Ease Access To Morning-After Pill
FDA eases access to morning-after pill after most Americans getting screwed over economy during most nights.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Severe Global Slump Causing Globe To Wobble
Countries trying to cope with severe global slump say worldwide deflation could cause Earth to wobble off course.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
U.S. Troops On The Move
US troops still in Iraq are on their way to Afghanistan, maybe Pakistan, Syria a little later on. Cuba also nice this time of year.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Americans High On Obama
AP Poll: Americans high on Obama, direction of US as a huge nationwide party breaks forth aboard the Titanic!
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Sir Fred Goodwin is not laughing.
The Scottish banker, Sir Fred Goodwin is said to be very distressed this morning after Alistair Darling took away half of his pension in yesterdays budget. "I knew they get me - bastards!" he said
written by IN SEINE, 23 April 2009
Appendectomy Performed Twice
A Minnesota surgeon performed an appendectomy on the same patient twice after he mistakenly removed a piece of fatty tissue instead the first time. "Thank goodness I still have my balls", says victim.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
Dateline: 1959 Iraq
On this date in 1959 in Baghdad, Iraq, the first suicide hanging took place and got little publicity. After that, they switched to setting self on fire and finally, blowing up others with themselves.
written by Bureau, 23 April 2009
