Jaime Foxx Offers to Make Sex Tape With Miley Cyrus...
...photographed shoving marijuana in her mouth and trying to smoke her crack.
written by Mr. Staypuf, 14 April 2009
Victoria's Secret Sale
Victoria's Secret launches their annual "Buy one cup, get one cup free!" Spring sales.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Yanni Audience Grows
"Yah Nee, He's Da Man" moves up this week to number 3,245 on the U.S. Top 5,000 Rap Hit Parade!
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
KFC Grilling Chicken
Kentucky Grilled Chicken? Kentucky Fried Chicken rolling out their grilled chicken menu as KGC say they may start frying their chicken.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
U.S. Left Wing Extremists Blame Right Wing Extremism
The recession is fueling right-wing extremism, U.S. Communist Party claims. "Making Stalin out to be another Hitler!"
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Troops May Have To Stay Longer Than Whenever
Spate of Iraq attacks may force U.S. troops to stay past the deadline. Does anyone know when deadline that is?
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Sucking Up Fine With Some
Workers "sucking up" to their bosses is bad for business say experts. "Leave them alone", state bosses.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Street renamed during economic downturn
The economy is so bad Wall Street had to sell advertising rights to its street name.
It's now Wal-Mart Street.
written by norma snockers, 14 April 2009
Obama Tempers Optimism
President Obama tempers optimism with reality on economy. "We're all ging there in his hand basket together!"
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Great Jumpin' Boobies!
Doctor 'told woman with a sore throat to undress so he could pump and knead her breasts' called into court, also ordered to bring trampoline used in breast therapy.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Mad inventor to get police warning
Eccentric Nottingham businessman,Joe Weston-Webb has been warned by police not to fire a Roman catapult full of chicken droppings in case the shit hits the fan - particularly when Forest are playing!
written by IN SEINE, 14 April 2009
Barney Frank upset not to be taken by Somali Pirates
After missing out on being taken with force, Frank will show his support of tea bagging on April 15th as a counter protest to conservative tea bag protests to be held across the nation.
written by laugh hammer, 14 April 2009
Titanic Memorial trip cancelled
Due to global warming, the forthcoming Titanic Memorial Cruise is to be cancelled because by April 11th 2012 (100 years later) there will be no icebergs floating around for a re-enactment.
written by IN SEINE, 14 April 2009
Mexico's "Fantastic" Tourist Deal!
Mexico reports that due to the ongoing drug cartel wars, tourism has dropped off by 90 percent. In order to encourage tourists they are offering all tourists a free margarita and a bullet proof vest.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 April 2009
Lindsay Lohan and Marilyn Monroe
Lindsay Lohan has been asked to play Marilyn Monroe in the film, Marilyn's Puppies. Lohan said that she will take the role on the condition that Samantha Ronson be hired to play Joe Dimaggio.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 April 2009
The Pennsylvania Illegal Homemade Pies
The state of Pennsylvania is cracking down on illegal homemade pies that are sold at church events. Residents fear that next they may go after Girl Scout Cookies, Twinkies, and Ho Ho's.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 April 2009
The Very, Very Rich Soon-To-Be Ex-Mrs. Mel Gibson
Mel Gibson's wife Robyn files for divorce. Gibson is worth $900 million. Robyn will get half of the money, the mansion, and her jewelry. Mel will get the brewery, the wine cellar, and the beer truck.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 April 2009
The Denver Branch of The U.S. Mint
There is a rumor circulating that the Denver branch of the U.S. Mint may be closing. A spokesperson for the U.S. Mint said not to worry, because the other branches will produce all the mints we need.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 April 2009
Jamie Foxx Disses Little Old Miley Cyrus
Jamie Foxx slammed Miley Cyrus because she dissed Radiohead. When Miley heard about Foxx's X-rated rant she asked, "Jamie Foxx? Wasn't he that dude who played on 'Roots' over 40 years ago?"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 April 2009
The Women Joggers of Reno
The city of Reno, Nevada has mandated that women cannot wear sweatpants while jogging. Councilmen Merv "Click-Click" Frygate said that the reason is because we want our women joggers to look sexy.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 April 2009
Michael Caine Attacks African
Taking a leaf out of Woody Harrelson's book, Caine attributed the assault to being traumatised by filming Zulu in the 1960s, and still being in character.
written by Skoob1999, 14 April 2009
Sends "Racist" Irish Joke Email
Senior council worker will be disciplined for sending out a 'racist' Irish joke email by having to wear knee britches and kissing the Blarney Stone.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Yada, Yada, Yada!!
Somali pirates in a brazen challenge to Obama and allies as they hijack FOUR more ships and open fire on a fifth while displaying buttocks over the port side.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Prince William Did Something Bad
Prince William reportedly grounded a £1m RAF plane in training by flicking the wrong dohickey and 'overcooking' engine thingamabob say experts!
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Wheeling & Dealing
The plight of the downsizers: Record number of middle classes desperate to sell homes are now making large scale trades for gypsy caravans on wheels.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
First Things First
All 114 power station protest suspects have been released as pre-emptive arrests spark civil liberties row. Suspects sent back to finish sabotage, THEN can be legally arrested.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Stars Ending In Supernova
Researchers have come up with a theory for how stars can end in a spectacular so-called Type Ia supernova in less than 100 million years........How about those Somalia pirates, huh?
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
E-Mails Apology Issued Again
The government has defended its response to revelations that a Downing Street adviser sent e-mails discussing slurs against leading Conservatives. "He said he was sorry. We're OK with that."
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Iran, NKorea May Go After Pirates
A Filipino merchant ship pirated off the coast of Somalia today was thought to be the work of those Somali pirates. Meanwhile, Iran, North Korea, Bin Laden complaining about lack of publicity.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Spector's Wall Of Sound
Record producer Phil Spector has been found guilty, after retrial, of murdering actress Lana Clarkson at his home in Los Angeles. He will now be surrounded by a Wall of Bars.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Read Your Tailhairs, Sir?
The diet and behavior of elephants evidenced by the chemical makeup of their tail hairs shows how they compete with other species, manage to fly with their ears, researchers say.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Chris Brown's New Girlfriend
Chris Brown's new girlfriend is Erica Jackson. When asked about Rihanna, he said, "I'm through with Rihanna, I got tired of her tripping on her heels and making it seem like I beat her or something."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 April 2009
Tit For Tat
The Lohan-Nicks Feud: Fleetwood Mac singer Stevie Nicks said that Lindsay Lohan is a 22-year-old has-been. Lohan says that Nicks the ex-spinning gypsy queen has turned into a 60-year-old Salem witch.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 April 2009
Sir Paul McCartney's New Old Gal
Paul McCartney, 66, has been dating Nancy Shevell, 49, since his divorce from Heather Mills. When he was told that Nancy looks a lot like Yoko Ono, Sir Paul replied, "Nope, Yoko's a lot shorter."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 14 April 2009
G.M. Recall
General Motors recalling 1.5M vehicles over potential fires. Say they will replace with new cars for only $18,000.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Castro: Lift Cruel Embargo
Castro insists US go further, "Lift your cruel embargo, let us have our Russian missiles restored."
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Still High Demand For Personal Info
Demand remains high for stolen personal data as there's still some people in China and India identity thieves don't yet have info on.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Small Cars Fail Collision Tests
Small cars get poor marks in collision tests as Indian car, dummies still cannot be found after test collision with Hummer.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Franken Takes Lead
Latest round in Minnesota Senate race goes to Al Franken. At present rate, race should be officially over by the 2012 elections.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Nevada Woman Hits Jackpot
Nevada woman who hits $33 million jackpot at casino pays her taxes up front, purchases largest mattress ever made.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
Somali Pirates Undeterred
Undeterred Somali pirates hijack three more ships, two submarines and lost whaler floating on a wooden coffin.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
N.Korea Restarts Nuclear Reactor?
N.Korea has vowed to restart its nuclear reactor and to boycott talks for good in retaliation for the U.N. condemnation of its rocket launch. Also, pirates are bogarting all the attention.
written by Bureau, 14 April 2009
UK scientists make Alzheimer's drug possible
British scientists have developed a new drug to combat the effects of Alzheimer's disease. Unfortunately they have forgotten the ingredients that make up the drug.
written by IN SEINE, 14 April 2009
Absolutism Is Not Absolutism
Only monarchical power is absolutism, presidential or parliamentary absolutism is not, the French President said Tuesday. He continued, saying war is not war, and Carla Bruni is not Carla Bruni.
written by J.K. Baltzersen, 14 April 2009
