Shop Teacher Dismissed
Shop teacher at Pennsylvania high school dismissed after he had everyone in class build their own personal hangman's scaffold.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Churchill Downs Ready
Churchill Downs crew have built a special horse carrier that looks like an ice cream truck in case another horse dies during the Derby this year.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Kentuckian Cracks
Bowling Green, Kentucky man shoots up office after office personnel refer to him all week as Alexander McPinkslip.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
One Pirate Survived During Rescue
Three pirates killed as U.S. Captain is rescued. One pirate injured in swift firefight, keelhauling.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Happy Birthday To The Earth
The Earth is 4.6 billion years old. Or 3 billion years older than the combined ages of Cloris Leachman, John McCain, Phyllis Diller, Mickey Mouse, and The Rolling Stones.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 April 2009
The World's Smallest Owl
The smallest owl in the world is the Peruvian Pygmy Owl. A full grown adult is the size of a number 2 pencil eraser or a Pamela Anderson nipple.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 April 2009
The Spider Known As Betty
The oldest living spider in the world is Betty, who resides at the Tijuana Zoo. She is 87, and she still has all of her faculties. Betty, however does get around with the aid of a walker.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 April 2009
The Aussie's Are Going Ban Crazy
Australia is getting ready to implement a ban on incandescent bulbs. Next the Aussies are planning to ban the practice of high fiveing, boomerang throwing, and smiling.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 April 2009
The Shortest Gestation Period
The mammal with the shortest gestation period is the Zimbabweian Midget Opossum. Its gestation period is 5 hours and 15 minutes. Which is not that far off of OctuMom's gestation period.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 April 2009
The South Pole's Original Name
The South Pole was originally known as the Bottom Pole, but the name was changed after The Sisters of St. Abstinence threatened to file a lawsuit.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 April 2009
Canadan PM Meets Obama
Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper meets with President Barack Obama, admits he was sick and tired of George Bush calling him, "Moose".
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Elton John Innocent
Elton John has denied that lady friend's baby is his. "I had my tubes tied years ago", claims older rocker.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Pakistan Helps UK
Pakistan promises UK help on Pakistani terrorist's arrested by sending portfolios on 172,800,048 other possible Pakistani terrorists.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Suicide-Bomber Leads Protest
Suicide-bomber in Baghdad, Iraq leads protests by blowing up himself and twelve other suicide-bombers before they leave for their suicide-bombing missions.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Somali Hijack Italian Boat, Overrun France
Somali pirates have hijacked a tugboat in the Gulf of Aden with 16 crew members on board, 10 of them Italians as another group take over France.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Obama's Brother Refused UK Entrance
Barack Obama's half-brother was denied entry to the UK after being accused of a serious crime on an earlier visit, the Home Office has confirmed. "But Bro wasn't president then", says Samson Obama.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
UN Takes Drastic Measures
Key UN countries have agreed a draft statement condemning North Korea's rocket launch, diplomats say. "I know it's a drastic measure", says Secretary General. "But we must act now."
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Politics Can Actually Be Negative
E-mails discussing smearing top Tories that led to the resignation of a senior Number 10 official have been published. Sounds like politics as usual to most.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Shining Path: Yada Yada Yada
Peru's Shining Path rebels have killed 13 soldiers in the south-east of the country, the country's defense minister says. Otherwise they say they can't get a word in edgewise in worldwide mess!
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Somali Leaders May Help
Somali elders have launched a fresh attempt to resolve the standoff between the US navy and pirates holding an American captain hostage in a lifeboat. May hold eBay auction.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Chinese Leader: Economy Improving
The Chinese premier says their economy is improving and stares down anyone who attempts to challenge his words.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Obamas Choose Pet
The Obamas pick a 6-month-old Portuguese Water Dog for White House pet. The Water Dog just edges out a cute New Guinea Fire-breathing Fido.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Were Pirates Mocked?
FBI to question US crew in criminal piracy probe to see what they might have done to draw the attention and anger a normally peaceful people.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Tornado A Category Seven
The National Weather Bureau along with The Weather Channel have announced the recent outbreak of tornadoes a Category Seven On the Freight Train List!
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Obama Rounding Up Sunday School Teachers
Town rocked by arrest of Sunday school teacher as President Obama orders all Sunday school teachers rounded up and searched. May call Seventh Day Adventists next.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Conflicker Worms Hit
The Conficker worm hits the University of Utah computers. Farmer's Almanac calls it the sign of a hard summer.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
First Attack: Lead
Decision to use cheap Chinese drywall is haunting U.S. homeowners who are concerned that it gives off fumes that can corrode pipes, blacken jewelry and sicken people. Chinese plot next attack.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Cow Gas Bringing Doom
Cows With Gas: India's contribution to global warming in cows is larger than autos they block. U.N meets to discuss shipping large supplies of Beano.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
Not Too Endangered Yet
Conservationists have discovered a new population of orangutans in a remote, mountain of Indonesia - perhaps as many as 200,000 - giving a rare boost to one of the world's most endangered great apes.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
U.S. Warns Pirates
United States ships, choppers, shadow hostage captain, pirates. Warn that they may be forced to drop water balloons.
written by Bureau, 12 April 2009
The Brazilian Nut Shortage
Brazil announces that due to the Brazilian nut shortage, they will have to import some nuts from North Korea.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 April 2009
The Smallest Star In The World
NASA scientists have just discovered what they believe to be the smallest star in existence. The star which is a little bit smaller than a grain of salt has been named Alpha Mortons.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 April 2009
Paula Abdul The Refinancing Judge
Paula Abdul is being forced to refinance her house, Casa Touchdown. She told a reporter that it's all due to her addiction to jewelry and the fact that the price has skyrocketed.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 April 2009
The Milky Wayward
Galaxy scientists said that the Milky Way which was originally believed to contain 300 billion stars actually only contains a little over 299 billion.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 April 2009
A Thousand and Two Islands
The largest island in the world is Greenland. The lonliest island in the world is Dick Cheney.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 12 April 2009
