Bush in the Greenhouse
Outgoing US President George W Bush has bought a bijoux residence in one of the wealthiest areas of Dallas to live in after they leave the White House. It will be known as the Greenhouse.
written by IN SEINE, 05 December 2008
'Intelligent' Have Better Sperm
Scientists claim the intelligent have better sperm. However, they also have smaller penises and so delivery can be very difficult.
written by IN SEINE, 05 December 2008
Ancient Chariot Unearthed
Bulgarian archaeologists have unearthed an elaborately decorated 1800-year-old chariot in southeastern Bulgaria. The chariot was described as "Low-Swung and Sweet"
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Pirates Capture Nuclear Subs
Off the Somali coast, pirates have hijacked three nuclear submarines from three different countries and are now flying their Skull & Bones flag from each sub.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Fart-In
Farmers with pigs and cows who may be fined for their cows and pigs passing gas will hold the nation's first "Million Man Fart-In" at the nation's capitol next summer should the bill pass.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Cow & Pig Farts
A proposed EPA fine against farmers with pigs and cows for passing gas and polluting the atmosphere has been named the "Smell Shit & Die" Bill.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
India Admits Mistakes
India has admitted some security problems in Mumbai attacks, such as using rubber bullets and tasers against terrorists with grenades and machine guns.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Bush Credit Problems
President Bush and wife Laura are trying to purchase a new two-million dollar home in Dallas, but so far his credit rating over the last 8 years is holding things up.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
National Conception Day Update
Russia has announced that they will be giving out free Viagra pills the entire month before National Conception Day this Coming year.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Too Proud
Former millionaires say they are too proud to stand out on the streets of New York and sell apples. Instead, they will be out there selling Apple Computer Chinese knock-offs.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Talk To The Head
Afghan President Hamid Karzai announced this morning that he may send his head to talk to the leaders of the Taliban next week.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Obama Rewards Craig Also
Continuing to reward his former foes, President-elect Barack Obama presented the key to the executive restroom to Senator Larry Craig this morning.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Penis-Pumper Judge Back
During a trial in California yesterday the judge asked that DNA evidense be collected from the accused. "Let's see what this guy is made of", stated Judge Jerry "Penis-Pumper" Judy.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Hadron Collider Could Be Fixed Sooner
Experts say the large Hadron Collider will not be fixed until next summer but could be sooner, "If Joe The Plumber would get off his lazy ass."
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Woolly Mammoth Genes
The gene sequence of the Woolly Mammoth has now been charted. "They're very similar to that of the present Governor of California", stated one scientist.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Dropping Like Flies
Most stocks on Wall Sreet have been "Dropping like flies" over the past three months. One bright spot however, Acme Flyswatters and Spray Inc. is up nearly 30%.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Cooling Off Period
New Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says she will allow the Pro-Global Warming crowd and the Anti-Global Warming crowd a "cooling off period" to give it some more thought.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Automakers Score One
The Big Three automakers made their best performance yet while appearing before a congressional panel trying to get a bailout. They reminded the panel that there would be no more campaign funding.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2008
Boy George Will Be Getting a New 'Wardrobe'
Boy George, ex-frontperson of Culture Club has been found guilty of imprisoning a male Norwegian escort. Boy George's future concerts will all take place in London's Pentonville Prison.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 05 December 2008
Bad Hair Day for David Van Day
David Van Day has been kicked out of the jungle in 'I'm a Celebrity after killing millions of endangered insects. The incident comes after he sprayed his hair with Mosquito repellant.
written by IN SEINE, 05 December 2008
Hummer to Bummer
General Motors have rebranded the HUMMER as The BUMMER in an attempt to get "sympathy" sales
written by jeremy griffiths, 05 December 2008
White house neighbors on the Obamas moving in
"there goes the Neighborhood"
written by disciple, 05 December 2008
OJ Demands Bailout
"I figure 700 Billion, I can buy the prison, and a few golf course, so I can keep looking for the killer." His cellmate, Big Bubba, laughed and mixed another aspartame cocktail for OJ.
written by Aspartame Boy, 05 December 2008
Mall$Wart to use Fish Lures to Increase Sales
Aspartame laden gum in nice shinny packages are not selling fast enough to do the job. So, Mall$Wart officials are tying fish lures to each package. "It worked when I was a kid", said Mr. Killumded.
written by Aspartame Boy, 05 December 2008
New Book Details Lethal Secrets of Catology
One Hundred ways to kill a Cat with Aspartame, and not have to Wash Your Hands Afterwords, is hitting the shelves now, and flying off. Aspartame sales are jumping.
written by Aspartame Boy, 05 December 2008
Silent Meow
Cats everywhere are learning a new pathetic begging practice: silent meow. They only do this when you are looking at them, causing you to think they are too weak to meow. I give them aspartame then.
written by Aspartame Boy, 05 December 2008
New Aspartame Toilet Bowl Cleaner
Just dump a box into your tank. Then, an hour later, light a match. Methanol goes POOOF. and the blue flame tells you every thing is dead.
written by Aspartame Boy, 05 December 2008
Preperation AH with Aspartame Now Availble
It doesn't just shrink them, it removes them. Just soak, and light the methanol; it burns them off with a blue flame.
written by Aspartame Boy, 05 December 2008
World Economy Recovers Based on Increased Sales
Asptartame price increases and increases sales are reflating the economy and restoring "the good times" we all had been missing.
written by Aspartame Boy, 05 December 2008
Hundred Dollar Bills Contaminated with Aspartame
An avante gaurd group in California is thought responsible for initiating the new practice of "doing" lines of aspartame.
written by Aspartame Boy, 05 December 2008
Strange White Powder in Vapor Trails Identified
It is a mixture of frozen olestra, aspartame, salt, and potatoes. It's actually quite tastey.
written by Aspartame Boy, 05 December 2008
Rummy Recovering from Overdose
What he thought was cocaine was actually aspartame. His IQ has been reduced by 50%, thought to be a classic correction.
written by Aspartame Boy, 05 December 2008
Librarian from Espagarda, Denmark Spotted in Bombay
Ms. Furbootenass, of Espagarda, was caught trucking in mass quantities of aspartame. She is being held without bail, pending further investigation.
written by Aspartame Boy, 05 December 2008
