98% Santa's Elves are depressed
A clinic in Iceland reports that a number of elves working for Santa this year are in fear of losing their jobs because of the downturn in the global economy. 88% of them have low Elf-Esteem.
written by IN SEINE, 25 December 2008
Santa Claus Ruins Christmas for Catholic Children
Millions of Catholic children were told by Santa Claus that there as no such thing as Jesus Christ. "GET THEE BEHIND ME SANTA!!! they cried.
written by IN SEINE, 25 December 2008
Israeli Sex Cult Cancels Orgasm Event,Defer to Obama Inauguration
The Raelian movement, a UFO religion, canceled a simultaneous orgasm event, saying they couldn't compete with 1M Obama supporters "getting off" in Washington, Jan.20.
written by unknown
Beverly Hills Dr. Converts Body Fat to Lypodiesel Fuels his Hummer!
The Dr. has cut his practice to just 3 clients: Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama and Oprah."Shit man," he said "these three will keep my SUV rolling for years thanks to their renewable resources."
written by unknown
David Crosby Fans Loyal
David Crosby fans throw their livers up on the stage during recent Crosby/Nash concert tour.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2008
Bob Banging Away
Elizabeth Dole says she plans to do a lot of charity work while out of her office as Senator. "I gotta get out of the house, Bob's back on that purple pill again!"
written by Bureau, 25 December 2008
Bush Ready For Inauguration
While people are speculating on what Michelle Obama will be wearing at the Presidential Inauguration, President Bush has already chosen his drop-in flight suit.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2008
Heather Mills Expands Mission
Heather Mills, in her quest to rid the world of land mines, has decided to include the biological warfare of accidentally lifting the lid off buried cabbage in Korea.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2008
Beyonce Selected
Beyonce has been chosen to sing "O Say Does That Star-Spangled Bama Yet Wave" at Obama Inaugaration.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2008
McCain Attacks Obama
John McCain: You didn't see Abraham Lincoln running off to Hawaii on vacation just before HE became president.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2008
Bush Lists Accomplishments
President Bush listed his accomplishments including, helping to elect the first black president and everybody becoming broke producing more racial equality.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2008
Gore Gets Greeting
Global warming opponents up north send Al Gore a holiday greeting to "Kiss Our Ice".
written by Bureau, 25 December 2008
Veggies Meet
A national organizations of vegetarians met over the holiday season and had a special meal together, then mostly sat around and chewed the pulp.
written by Bureau, 25 December 2008
Good-Hearted Strip Miners
Strip mine owners donate ten plundered acres, over one hundred toy trucks for kids playground this Christmas
written by Bureau, 25 December 2008
Credit Crunch Reality Sets In This Christmas
A small boy from Brierly Hill, West Midlands, was in tears this morning. Upon opening one Christmas present, he got 4 'AAA' batteries with a note saying, "Toy not included."
written by IN SEINE, 25 December 2008
Immigrant TV Christmas Special
Not to be missed! 'Open All Hours', comedy with Ali Baba at 7:30pm.
written by IN SEINE, 25 December 2008
Bush Gives All US Monetary Authority to UN
I just can't trust these jokers anymore. It's a real perfidious behavior on their part. See, I know that word.
Perfidious. Bring it ON.
written by Aspartame Boy, 25 December 2008
The Claws Arrested and Sent to Cuba
They must reveal the contents and location of all the many packages that they left all over the world.
written by Aspartame Boy, 25 December 2008
President Bush Pardons Self
Figurately anyway-pardoned crimes include cocaine/drug charges, illegal firearms & alien traffic, HUD & SSA fraud, illegal military aircraft exports, violating Archaeological Resources Protection Act.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 25 December 2008
