Ozzy Osbourne's Black Sabbath
Ozzy Osbourne is reuniting his band Black Sabbath. Ozzy said, "Buuud tooaa weewe ahh ummm faa." which when translated means the band's new politically correct name will be 'African-American Sabbath.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Governor Sarah Who?
Governor Sarah Palin is begging Georgia voters to vote for Senator Saxby Chambliss. She reportedly said, "Vote for Chamby or else I'll come back down to the 'lower 48' and stir things up again."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Condi Rice Ain't Gonna Tell Hillary Much
Condoleezza Rice says that she will not give her successor (Hillary Clinton) too much advice. President-elect Obama, said, "Well, thank goodness for that."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Obama has confidence in Hillary
Obama,"She is a good liar and has a history of corruption", just what the America Government needs now.
written by disciple, 01 December 2008
Hello Shoppers, Shoppers, Shoppers
Three major U.S. stores are planning to merge. The three are Wal-Mart, K-Mart, and Stein-Mart. The new store name will be Mart-Mart-Mart.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Miss Galore Premieres At Super Bowl
After cancelling all their Tiger Woods commercials, General Motors will introduce their new advertising star, Miss Thongy Galore, during the Super Bowl.
written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Violence Breeds Violence
Latest study reveals that watching violence in movies or television leads to real violence. Blames World War II on Johnny Weismuller, Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny for Nam.
written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Moral Standards?
A theater in Salt Lake City has cancelled a showing of "Brokeback Mountain," after one of the Utah residents claimed that the gay cowboy movie was so offensive, it upset all twenty of his wives.
written by IN SEINE, 01 December 2008
Laura's Husband's 'WMD' Myth
First Lady Laura Bush said she's really gonna miss the people. She then added, "But the one thing I won't miss is all of the jokes about the weapons of mass destruction...which didn't really exist."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
LeAnn Rimes Cover Version of Sukiyaki
The National Enquirer has revealed that country music singer LeAnn Rimes is really Chinese. They first suspected it when they learned that her new tour bus is named, 'The Chopstick Express.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
U.S.A. Radical Extremists
In India over the weekend over 200 people were killed by Islamic terrorists, while here in the United States one death and several injuries reported from a radical group calling itself, Black Friday.
written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
The Smoking Section is Closed
The decendants of Joan of Arc are suing the tobacco industry on grounds of second hand smoke.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Richard Simmons, 1,2,3,1,2,3
George Hamilton will play Richard Simmons in "The Silly Richard Simmons Story." Hamilton said, "It'll be challenging. I'll have to gain 80 pounds, wear short shorts, and learn how to act effeminate."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
One of Australia's Top Bands
The 80's reggae-influenced band 'Men At Work,' from Australia are getting together and will be touring throughout America with their new name, 'Unemployed Men Not At Work.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Billy Crystal's "Analyze" Trilogy
Billy Crystal will soon begin filming the third of his 'Analyze' movie trilogy. The first was 'Analyze This' and the second was 'Analyze That.' The third is 'Analyze Tits.'
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Sounds Like a Typical Country Music Song
A survey shows that a large portion of U.S. students lie, cheat, and steal. And some people wonder where tomorrow's used car salesman, politicians, and Fox News' hosts are coming from.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Osama's Driver Hit Hard
The trial of Salim Hamdan, Osama bin Laden's driver, has taken a turn for the worse!
written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Mass Nerd Suicide
A new study released yesterday concerning the very active and varied sex life of many octogenerians has led to over 250 nerd suicides overnight.
written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Passed Gas Clears Classroom
A twelve-year-old Florida student was arrested after he
"deliberately passed gas to disrupt the class". The judge sentenced him to six hours of public service cleaning up puke from classroom floor.
written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Missile Chase
According to Al-Jazeera TV, yesterday a suspected U.S. missile went around three other terrorists and chased al-Qaeda #7 around a big rock and into a cave where they both exploded.
written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Actors Strike
The Hollywood Actors Guild may go on strike unless their latest demands are met. After hearing the news, most people reacted with, "You mean they HAVEN'T been on strike this year?"
written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Bush On Free Trade
In Lima, Peru last week, President Bush said that the pursuit of free trade is existential and that countries should avoid perfectionism.
written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Naval Exercises To Begin
Russia, Venezuela to start naval exercises together this week by combining nuclear subs, aircraft carriers, canoes, rafts and john boats.
written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Supremes Make Historical Vote
The United States Supreme Court has ruled 8-1 on the proper setting of the court thermostat. The one dissenting vote was that of a shivering Judge Ruth Bader Ginsberg
written by Bureau, 01 December 2008
Christmas Crickets
The White House Christmas tree has arrived. But this year the tree is a little different. Due to the many environmentalist's rules, this tree arrived with squirrels, woodpeckers, crickets, and owls.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 December 2008
Diaper Companies Sue FDA Over Melamine in Baby Formula
All those little clogged kidneys are soiling less diapers.
"We were just tying to please the food companies; forgot about the diaper companies", whined Dr. Strangedeath, FDA hotdog.
written by Aspartame Boy, 01 December 2008
